Act of stupidity

Note to self: turn the ceiling fans off before climbing up a ladder in the near vicinity.

F-*-C-K!!!

Thank goodness for hard heads.

Act of stupidity

Last night I took my meds without my glasses on.

Squinting to read the lables I just took one of each - not a good idea.

I'll be in zombieland if anyone needs me today.

(stupid is as stupid does)

People are so damned stupid sometimes

A woman in Maryland was injured when her male partner made a homemade sex toy using a saber saw.

Apparently the idiot did not take the blade out of the saw and it cut through the plastic toy it was attached to.

Do you all have a mental picture of this?

Can we say: Holy mother of GOD what the hell were these people thinking?

Aiy chi wow wow OUCH!

There are such things called: F--k saws that look a lot like a power saw with a, um...dildo attached to it and I guess these people decided to make their own version.

Puts a whole new spin on the woman sawed in half at the ol' magic shows doesn't it?

Sing it with me...

I could while away the hours,
conferrin' with the flowers
Consultin' with the rain.
And my head I'd be scratchin' while
my thoughts were busy hatchin'
If I only had a brain.

I flaked out again!

I am travling for business, not far just up to Rhode Island.

I am staying over night at a very cool hotel.

I forgot my suitcase at home!

D'OH!

:::sigh:::

TARGET is my saviour!

I don't usually buy my clothes at Target because I can never find any womens clothes that I like. Either they are for kids or skinny thin women under the age of 30 or they are for "women".

You know what I mean by "women" don't you?

I'm kind of an in-betweener. I don't have the "W" on my clothes...yet, but if I keep gaining weight like I have I'll be there in NO time.

No longer a "junior", to fat for the "misses" and not fat enough for the "womens" sizes.

There's that trinity again - kind of like the maiden, mother, crone!

Oh no....the crone!

Anyway - I bought some jeans and shirt from the mens department #1 because the clothes are cheaper and # 2 I just wanted comfortable clothes to bum around in.

Why is it I can buy a pair of jeans in the mens department for $16.99 and in the "misses" department the prices start at $29.95?

SHOES! I wanted a cheap pair of shoes. I found similar sneakers for $19.99 in the mens department and they were $29.99 in the womens department.

The mens were bigger you would think they'd be more expensive!

It's price discrimination and it sucks!

:::sigh:::

M is never going to let me live this one down I know it!

Random stupidity

Do you ever forget how to walk?

No...I'm serious about this.

I am wearing a pair of shoes I don't normally wear and for some reason I have now completely forgotten how to walk.

I feel like I'm wearing clown shoes and that I am making a "thwap" every time I put my foot down.

And...I keep tripping!!!

What the fa is this all about?

Maybe that is why I don't wear these shoes anymore.

For Kat - the "shoes"



Boring ol' shoes!!!



I think the problem is with the person wearing the shoes and not the shoes themselves!!!

Penis Pointlessness

Extra credit goes out to me pal "N" in New Mexico who sent me this fabulous Act of Male Stupidity:

Xian Xing - a very lonely...very "disturbed" young man was walking along LanTian Park, Hong Kong in the middle of the night and thought it would be "fun" to have sex with a bench!

http://www.weirdasianews.com/2008/08/07/man-almost-loses-penis-humping-steel-bench/

Bikes...benches...whatever floats your boat!

So...Mr. Xing is "gettin' it on" with the bench and guess what?

He got his-self stuck!

To quote: "once he became aroused he found that he was stuck and could not get his penis out of the small hole."

...

OK...I'm so leaving that one alone.

...

To make matters worse -there are pictures:




AND....it's on You Tube!!!!

Yikes! I don't have a penis...but....OUCH!

:::sigh:::

Ok...so I think you all know by now I was a total dork most of my life.

Actually...I still am, but when you are an adult you turn the term "dork" into: eclectic, eccentric, "has experienced life" or "well...she grew up when that was popular" excuse!

My taste in music has..."developed" over time and it isn't as bad as it was...but I have to admit that I like most music that most people "my age and generation" don't really like.

When I was a teenager...TV was my companion. I loved variety shows: Sonny and Cher, Donnie and Marie, Flip Wilson, The Smothers Brothers, and of course the queen: Carol Burnette.

But there was one that not too many people remember: The Shields and Yarnell Show

Anyone remember that one?

Anyone?

Anyone at all?

Didn't think so.

If you don't remember them...let me tell you about THE best talent that ever graced the television screen!

Shields and Yarnell were Mimes.

Yes...you read correctly...Mimes.

And they had their own show...so you KNOW they weren't just your ordinary mimes...they were "special" mimes!

Robert...(and I can call him Robert because I met him in person doncha know) actually studied with Marcel Marceau! The most famous mime of all time!!!

Lorene was a dancer and they met...fell in love...mimed together and had a show!

One of the routines that made them famous was this robot routine...it was pure genius!

Here is a taste just so you can get an idea of what they did:




Brilliant right?

Well...I thought so.

So much that I practiced the robot in my room all the time, and actually became quite good at it.

I had dreams of running away and joining Bob and Lorene on the road.

Here I am in my white face....damn I went through a lot of grease paint and eyeliner back then.

:::sigh:::

Unfortunately, their show was cancelled and I kind of got over my "mime" phase.

My dream of stardom...crashed on the rocks of low ratings.

The crowning glory of my teen-dom was meeting Shields and Yarnell in person! My Dad used to do a lot of PR work for the casino's in Atlantic City and got comp tickets to their show...and I got to meet them...shake their hands...TALK TO THEM...and...

yes...

I got their autograph!

I am soooooo totally cool I can't even stand it!

This post is dedicated to my brother and author of Monkeytooth...because he shared my love of Shields and Yarnell and was always secretly jealous that I had their autograph and he didn't!

Dancing Matt

So, you take a guy....he quits his job and takes what little money he has left and decides to travel and then make a goofy video of him "dancing".

You pick up a sponsor...they like the dancing Matt idea...pay for him to go around the world and do his little dance.

You ask the same sponsor "can we do this again, but invite other people to dance with me?"

Sponsors say yes...and voila!

Dancing Matt - with friends...brought to you by Stride Gum.



I thought it was kind of a happy video to play on on Monday! I needed a little something to make me smile...and this did!

Happy Monday all!

http://www.wherethehellismatt.com/

How did I miss this one?

Oh...a BIG Thank you over to Identity Mixed for this post.

I don't know how I missed this headline, but this has to be one of my all time favorites for 2008

Man Dressed as Penis Disrupts Graduation

Acts of Stupidity

I know this isn't funny, but it is.

A couple in Crossville, TN are charged with "whacking each other with a frying pan".

Apparently they got into an argument and then picked up the cookware and started hitting each other.

I just have this very cartoonish image in my head: Boing...Bong...boing...bong.




ohhhhhhhh...it's late in the day...I'm tired...everything is just silly to me now.

Random thought of the day

Have you ever been over zealous with your dental floss?



ow!

Ok...one more...

...because this is just THE best!

Mary Ann is caught with Maryjane.

Dawn Wells aka Mary Ann from Gilligan's Island was arrested for possession of marijuana!

Apparently she was swerving and not keeping a steady speed...whatever.

The best part is the arrest photo:

Is this hysterical or what? You don't need to test her for drugs..you can just TELL that she's stoned! She looks absolutely delighted to get her picture taken for the mug shot! That right eye is drooping just a little too!

If anyone walks by her with a bag of potato chips they're a gonner!

I always liked Mary Ann...she was a cutie!

Still is!

WTF?

M sent me this story from the WTF files. It's just way too bizarre for words:

A woman in Witchita Kansas has been sitting on her boyfriends toilet for over 2 years. So long in fact that her skin has started to graft around the toilet seat and the muscles in her legs have atrophied.

When the police and emergency medical services arrived, she refused treatment at first.

The "doodee"ful boyfriend brought her food and water, but did not call authorities right away. Instead he would just ask her if she was going to come out of the bathroom. Her response: "Maybe tomorrow".

Here is the full article if you want to read it.

http://www6.comcast.net/news/articles/national/2008/03/12/Woman.In.Bathroom/

I love the quote by the neighbor: "It really doesn't surprise me."

Wait...what?

Is this normal behavior in Witchita? Do people just hang out around their toilets for days just becuase while loved ones bring them food and water?

How did she bathe?

Oh....I don't even want to think about that one.

I can't sit on the comode for more than 5 minutes before my legs fall asleep!

All I can say is: wow

What happened to this woman to make her snap like this? What is freakin' wrong with the boyfriend that he didn't call sooner.

I sure hope there was more than one bathroom in the house or that would have just been even more ridiculous.

Gross!

How does one make this their goal in life to grow the longest ear hair?

Excuse me...

Is that a crowbar in your pants or are you just happy to see me?


A Tennessee woman was charged for possession of burglary tools when a crowbar fell out of her pants.

The police saw the woman walking from behind a church, where she was going to the bathroom. They asked her for some ID and as she was walking to her car, that is when the crowbar fell out.

The police also found on her a screwdriver and witnessed pry marks on the door.

Let's see if we can come up with a likely scenario here for this poor woman.

She's driving along.

The urge to pee overcomes her.

She sees a church.

Tries the door, it's locked.

A-HA! I just happen to have a screw driver here...let me try to pry open the door with that!

Nope...doesn't work.

A-HA! I just happen to have a crow bar in my pants...let me try that!

Gotta pee

Gotta pee

Gotta pee

Damn...I gotta pee now. (sometimes this urge is overwhelming)


Then the cops show up.


I don't think she was trying to burgle the church...she just really had to pee!



http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/22905096/

When they met...it was sparks!

M sent me this article to share with you all!

I think you'll will find it truly shocking!

A young woman from York County, PA (they grow 'em weird out there trust me) was electrocuted by her husband when he used a clipped electric cord to stimulate her during sex.

The couple apparently had used this home made sex toy previously and it worked just fine, but I guess things got a little out of hand and he ended up zappin' her just a bit too much!

When police first arrived on the scene, he told them that she was shocked by her hair dryer. After examining the body and finding suspicious burns on her "nether regions" they questioned him again and he came out with the shocking details.

The husband is being charged for involuntary manslaughter and being held on $100,000 bail.

This puts a new twist on the "Electric Slide".

I bet the people of York County are just a "buzz" about this story.

http://www.abcnews.go.com/TheLaw/US/story?id=4190645&page=1

The proof is in the poop!

So this guy in North Carolina, who is under the legal drinking age, goes out...gets trashed and the drives his camaro on the wrong side of the street finally crashing into someones yard. He leaves his car behind not realizing that the owner of the yard that he just crashed into had 4 dogs!!!

Someone calls the cops...they come out to investigate and find a fresh foot print in a nice big heaping pile of dog shit!

The fecal footed fiend was found as a passenger in a van that police flagged down - the evidence was alllll over his shoes!

You just gotta love a good dumb ass.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/22597757/

We're off to a good start already

I'm so glad people don't disappoint me!

Pooch’s presence for joint shower sparks a fight
Police: Woman is arrested after couple wrestles nude about her objections

BREMERTON, Wash. - A 25-year-old woman was arrested for investigation of second-degree assault after getting into an argument with her boyfriend over whether his dog should be in the bathroom while the couple were taking a shower together.
A police report said the man, 26, wanted his dog to join them in the bathroom, but the woman objected on Thursday night.
The woman told her boyfriend that if the dog doesn't stay out, she didn't want to be his girlfriend anymore. He replied that maybe his next girlfriend would appreciate the dog more, and called her a name.
The police report said the woman punched him in the face several times and the man dislocated his shoulder after the naked couple grappled. He told police his girlfriend threw a picture frame, which broke and cut him.
The woman was taken to the Kitsap County Jail in Port Orchard. Bail has been set at $50,000.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/22456495/

Stupid is as stupid does

Man Drinks Liter of Vodka at Airport Line

BERLIN — A man nearly died from alcohol poisoning after quaffing a liter (two pints) of vodka at an airport security check instead of handing it over to comply with new carry-on rules, police said Wednesday.
The incident occurred at the Nuremberg airport on Tuesday, where the 64-year-old man was switching planes on his way home to Dresden from a holiday in Egypt.
New airport rules prohibit passengers from carrying larger quantities of liquid onto planes, and he was told at a security check he would have to either throw out the bottle of vodka or pay a fee to have his carry-on bag checked as cargo.
Instead, he chugged the bottle down — and was quickly unable to stand or otherwise function, police said.
A doctor called to the scene determined he had possibly life-threatening alcohol poisoning, and he was sent to a Nuremberg clinic for treatment.
The man, whose name was not released, is expected to be able to complete his journey home in a few days.


Geez louize - this guy is dumber than a box of rocks.

For Pete's Sake!!!

Did anyone else read this:

SYDNEY (AFP) - Santas in Australia's largest city have been told not to use Father Christmas's traditional "ho ho ho" greeting because it may be offensive to women, it was reported Thursday.
Sydney's Santa Clauses have instead been instructed to say "ha ha ha" instead, the Daily Telegraph reported.
One disgruntled Santa told the newspaper a recruitment firm warned him not to use "ho ho ho" because it could frighten children and was too close to "ho", a US slang term for prostitute.
"Gimme a break," said Julie Gale, who runs the campaign against sexualising children called Kids Free 2B Kids.
"We are talking about little kids who do not understand that "ho, ho, ho" has any other connotation and nor should they," she told the Telegraph.
"Leave Santa alone."
A local spokesman for the US-based Westaff recruitment firm said it was "misleading" to say the company had banned Santa's traditional greeting and it was being left up to the discretion of the individual Santa himself.



Sometimes a "Ho! Ho! Ho!" is just a "Ho! Ho! Ho!"