Parents these days...

Whew - another Monday over.

The weekend was fun! We drove up to PA on Saturday afternoon. The hotel was very nice except for the 8 middle school girls soccer teams that were staying with us!

What happens when you get about 90 middle school aged kids in the same hotel with little to no supervision?

Mayhem...that's what.

For some stupid beyond stupid reason the hotel put us on the same floor as the pool and we were sharing it with the little girl soccer teams that were staying there. For a few hours M and I heard the following:

Scream!

Giggle!

Slam!

Rinse and repeat about a gazillion times.

In the meantime the parents were partying out in the hallway! No kidding! They moved all their chairs out there had a cooler of beer and delivered pizza and just sat around wasted while their pre-teen aged girls wreaked havoc around the hotel.

M and I take turns at being the "voice of reason" in situations. This time I was the raving maniac who wanted to scream out the door: "For the love of Pete shut the fuck up!"

M calmly reminded me it was only 7:00 and they would eventually calm down.

SO....I waited.

Scream!

Giggle!

Slam!

Scream!

Giggle!

Slam!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I called the front desk and complained. They said they were going to send security around to check on things.

We heard about 5 minutes of quiet and then:

Scream!

Giggle!

Slam!

Scream!

Giggle!

Slam!

I called the front desk again. This time they told me they have received several complaints and they were going to take care of it.

5 more minutes of calm and then...yep, you betcha:

Scream!

Giggle!

Slam!

What the fa?

I called for the last time and demanded they change our room.

They did.

As we marched past the partying parents in the hallway they shot us some really nasty looks.

Uh...excuse me. Your little girls are running around a hotel acting like animals and you have the freakin' nerve to give ME a dirty look?

What the fa?

Since when did parents permit there kids to run around screaming and yelling in the hallways of a hotel?

My Mom and Dad would have shot me on the spot if we acted that way. I would have shot my OWN kids if they acted that way.

What were these parents thinking?

Oh...never mind. They weren't thinking They are of that new generation where they think the world revolves around them.

Fuck that shit. They are assholes

A salute to the assholes of the world

No...really!


A spa in Russia has just unveiled an 5 foot high, 800 pound bronze enema statue with a banner declaring: "Let's beat constipation and sloppiness with enemas"!

The crowd responded with flatulent applause!

Snot Washer

Thank you Presbyfruit and Presby's Mom for introducing me to the Neti Pot!

I have not been so amazed and amused by a product in a long time!

How come I haven't seen a commercial on TV for this yet?

Disturbing

I just read in the news that 8 teenagers in Lakeland, FL were arrested for beating another teen.

http://www.wsls.com/sls/news/national/article/sheriffs_office_releases_shock_video/8406/

The victim arrives at the home of a "friend" and then was struck several times on the head and then had her head slammed into a wall before losing consciousness. She was then driven somewhere else and warned that if she went to the police and told them what would happen, she would be beaten again.

The reason for the beating: she supposedly trash talked one of them.

They lured her to the house so they could tape it an post it on YouTube.

What kind of world do we live in where people lure a friend to their home, beat her unconscious and tape it???

There is a great book called: Odd Girl Out by Rachel Simmons about female bullying and how particularly nasty it can get. Most of the bullying done by girls is emotional, but it can turn physical as well. It's amazing how young it starts.

Favorite Flavor

I have to give a hardy nod to my pal SharkB over at East Coast Randori.

Her most recent post has just cracked me up and it's become an ongoing discussion between us, but I would like to hear other opinions about ths subject.

Her question: Why is there a flavoring agent in Preparation H?

If you have any insightful answers, please go on over to her blog and list them.

http://ecrandori.blogspot.com/index.html

Don't know squat

I read an article in the news today about organizers for the Olympics in Beijing are refitting toilets in some of the main venues. They are removing the squat toilets and replacing them with the sit down version.

Wait...what?

Squat toilets?

Hmmmmmmm...

I can figure out just by the name what kind of a toilet that is. It's a hole in the ground that you squat over to do your bidness.

OK...gotcha...but I'm having some "logistic problems" with this concept.

Confession time - I sit when I pee.

Even when I'm in a public restroom. I will use a whole roll of toilet paper to cover the seat with if it's really disgusting, but I never mastered the "hovering" method of peeing. Maybe if I used the handicapped stall which has bars that I could hold on to I may be able to hover, but then the toilets in those stalls are usually higher than normal and my legs are short...there is NO way I can hover over that.

For some reason every time I've tried to hover over the toilet to pee, let's just say...I make a mess.

Most of it on myself unfortunately.

I also have "shy kidneys" when it comes to public bathrooms. I need to sit and relax and concentrate on what I am doing. The thought of hovering or squatting will put me in a horrible state of anxiety and I will not be able to "go".

Here is a lovely illustration on how to squat properly:

How are you supposed to get down that low to the ground?

My knees do not bend like that anymore. Actually, I don't think my knees ever bent like that in my lifetime. I am not a flexible person.

If you were wearing a skirt or a dress, this may not be too much of a problem, but what about if you are wearing pants? They are going to touch the ground and some of the pictures I've seen of these squat toilets do not look too lean.

How do you not pee on your pants?

In many other parts of the world this kind of toilet is used frequently. There are even websites promoting the many health benefits for the natural squatting position.

Here are 7 advantages of the squat:

1. Makes elimination faster, easier and more complete. This helps prevent "fecal stagnation," a prime factor in colon cancer, appendicitis and inflammatory bowel disease.

2. Protects the nerves that control the prostate, bladder and uterus from becoming stretched and damaged.

3. Securely seals the ileocecal valve, between the colon and the small intestine. In the conventional sitting position, this valve is unsupported and often leaks during evacuation, contaminating the small intestine.

4. Relaxes the puborectalis muscle which normally chokes the rectum in order to maintain continence.

5. Uses the thighs to support the colon and prevent straining. Chronic straining on the toilet can cause hernias, diverticulosis, and pelvic organ prolapse.

6. A highly effective, non-invasive treatment for hemorrhoids, as shown by published clinical research.

7. For pregnant women, squatting avoids pressure on the uterus when using the toilet. Daily squatting helps prepare one for a more natural delivery.

Uh huh...sure.

They have to be making that shit up! (pun intended)

This kind of puts the kibosh on the men's sitting on the throne with the morning paper for hours. (I don't get that anyway...but that's a story for another time)

I don't think I'll be planning any trips to Beijing anytime soon...at least not until I know they have good ol' fashioned sit down toilets there.

WTF?

M sent me this story from the WTF files. It's just way too bizarre for words:

A woman in Witchita Kansas has been sitting on her boyfriends toilet for over 2 years. So long in fact that her skin has started to graft around the toilet seat and the muscles in her legs have atrophied.

When the police and emergency medical services arrived, she refused treatment at first.

The "doodee"ful boyfriend brought her food and water, but did not call authorities right away. Instead he would just ask her if she was going to come out of the bathroom. Her response: "Maybe tomorrow".

Here is the full article if you want to read it.

http://www6.comcast.net/news/articles/national/2008/03/12/Woman.In.Bathroom/

I love the quote by the neighbor: "It really doesn't surprise me."

Wait...what?

Is this normal behavior in Witchita? Do people just hang out around their toilets for days just becuase while loved ones bring them food and water?

How did she bathe?

Oh....I don't even want to think about that one.

I can't sit on the comode for more than 5 minutes before my legs fall asleep!

All I can say is: wow

What happened to this woman to make her snap like this? What is freakin' wrong with the boyfriend that he didn't call sooner.

I sure hope there was more than one bathroom in the house or that would have just been even more ridiculous.

Bathroom etiquette

This is one of my worst pet peeves - bathroom etiquette.

Especially when you share a bathroom with co-workers.

I work in an industry where the workforce is about 80% women.

There are about 100 people who currently work in the office, so that is roughly 80 women sharing a bathroom with only 4 stalls.

Men probably don't think too much about this, but if you are a woman reading this, you're probably thinking that isn't really adequate bathroom facilities.

It would be fine if everyone had the same levels of hygiene and cleanliness - but it's very obvious we don't.

Our office manager sent this e-mail around the office today:

"Also, without getting into too many details, I would appreciate it if better hygiene was practiced in the ladies room. There were a few things brought to my attention this morning that just should not be happening in an office consisting of adults."

Today - it was blood on the floor.

BLOOD ON THE FLOOR!

EW!

It just happened to be in the one open stall that I walked into and I needed to GO, so I grabbed a wad of toilet paper enough to clog the plumbing and wiped it up.

This is not the first time she has had to send an e-mail around like this.

There was an issue of a random turd just sitting next to the toilet.

Can someone please explain to me how this happens? How do you miss getting your turd into the toilet?

I know there are hoverer's - people too afraid to sit on the toilet, but still...you have to have some sense that you are over the hole and do your best to get the shit in the bowl!

We've had turd smears too! If a turd is smeared, that means YOU stepped in it and it's on your shoe!

We have those sani-seat covers if people are too afraid to sit on the seat - geez...can't you use one of them?

Do you have to pee, poop and drip blood on the seat, the floor and the walls of the stall and ruin it for the rest of us? There are only 4 stalls and 80 women!

I'm not even going to speculate how "stuff" gets on the walls, but ew, ew, ew. Gross.

This is not even about being a germ-a-phobe...this is about being inconsiderate, unclean and just downright DISGUSTING!

Back in another lifetime - I used to clean the bathrooms of a gas station that my ex-husband owned. The women's room was 10 times more disgusting than the men's room believe it or not. Some of the "things" I saw in that bathroom was just beyond your worst imagination.

I also cleaned the offices for a moving company I worked for to make extra money when I first got divorced. The bathrooms for the warehouse workers and the truck drivers was dirty, but I never, EVER saw shit on the floor.

Why are women so gross in public bathrooms?

I know it's not clean, it's not fun, but come on - show a little consideration for other people?

Remember that old ryhme:

If you sprinkle
When you tinkle
Please be neat
and wipe the seat!

My friend "N" once said: There is a special place in hell for women who sprinkle all over the toilet seats.

I agree.

It's just wrong.

I would imagine they must be getting themselves wet in the process. Think about this - liquids splash. They are probably splashing themselves with urine!

ew.

I just don't understand, if anyone can enlighten me, please do.

:::stepping off my soap box:::

They're baaaaack

Nudge, nudge.

Huh?

what?

"Mom! wake up! There is something crawling in the insulation in the basement!"

Wha? Huh?

Nudge, nudge.

"MOM! WAKE UP!"

What?

"There is something crawling around in the insulation in the basement!!!"

Fa-king A - I just got to sleeeeeep! ugh

I grudgingly trodded downstairs to the basement where my daughter was multi-tasking: watching TV, IM'ing her friends on the computer, texting her friends on her side kick.

She calmly pointed up towards the ceiling where you could actually see...the padding of the insulation "moving".

I rubbed my eyes...looked again. I asked her to turn down the TV.

scritch, scratch...scratch.

"It's kind of creepy" she nonchalantly tells me.

I nod - still fairly groggy.

Ugh.

"Looks like the mice are back again" I tell her.

"Yup...looks like it. I just wanted to let you know."

:::sigh:::

"Ok...thanks. I'll take care of it in the morning"

"Ok! Good night!"

"Good night!" I kissed her on the head and padded back upstairs and went to bed.

M murmured sleepily: "What's going on?"

"The mice are back." I tell her as I get back under the covers.

"No way!"

"Way...I'll take care of it in the morning."

"shit"

"uh huh...sneaky little bastards they are." I whisper as I snuggle back in. "Good night again."

"g'night."

We go to bed with visions of vermin running through our heads!

In the morning I re-baited the traps.

Last night as I was sitting at my computer I could hear them gnawing at the poison. Victory and defeat all at the same time.

None of us are happy about killing the mice, but they weren't invited and we don't really have a choice.

:::sigh:::

Poor little bastards.

WTF

Ok...this is one odd looking little critter.

It's called an Aye Aye and it's from Madagascar.

Freaky - in a cute sort of way.

OMG!

http://lipstickdipstick.blogspot.com/2007/12/merry-christmas-from-bush-country.html

Here's a photo that will...uh...well...you decide what it does or doesn't do for you!!!

From the "What the Fa?" files

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/22373762/?GT1=10645

‘Santa died for your MasterCard’
Man nails Claus to cross to protest commercialism of Christmas

BREMERTON, Wash. - Art Conrad has an issue with the commercialism of Christmas, and his protest has gone way beyond just shunning the malls or turning off his television.
The Bremerton resident nailed Santa Claus to a 15-foot crucifix in front of his house.
"Santa has been perverted from who he started out to be," Conrad said. "Now he's the person being used by corporations to get us to buy more stuff."
A photo of the crucified Santa adorns Conrad's Christmas cards, with the message "Santa died for your MasterCard."
The display is also Conrad's way of poking fun at political correctness. He believes people do not express their feelings because they are afraid of what other people might think.
His neighbors found the will to express their feelings this past week. Some were offended but many were just curious.
Jake Tally walked by on Friday and chuckled, but did not pretend to understand the message.
"I don't really know what to think. I know it's about God but Santa has nothing to do with it," he told the Kitsap Sun newspaper.

Monkey Sex

Would you want a job watching monkey's having sex all of the time and then try to interpret what is going on?

I just read an article that reveals why monkeys scream when they have sex. Apparently it's to help the male ejaculate and when she doesn't scream, he doesn't!

Ummmm...how can they tell if he did or didn't?

What kind of zoom lens camera are they using to witness this?

They also counted the pelvic thrusts! (and we ain't doin' no time warp here)

The article states: "They found when shouting occurred, thrusting increased. In other words, hollering led to more vigorous sex. "

Good monkey...very good monkey!

wow

I have to wonder if these scientists have ever actually had sex themselves becaaaaaaaaaause if they did, they wouldn't be counting the pelvic thrusts of monkeys to find out why females scream!!!

Fish gone AWOL

A few years ago, we bought a 10 gallon fish tank as a family gift. The tank sits up on top of the entertainment center right next to where my desk is.

10 gallons is a manageable size for a fish tank. I had 4 tanks at one time: a 55 gallon, 32 gallon, 10 gallon and a 5 gallon (fry tank). That was just totally insane and a long story about how I got into it in the first place. Trust me though when I say, after cleaning 4 tanks on a bi-weekly basis for a few years I thought it cured me from ever having another fish tank again.

Apparently not!

I set up the tank and bought 4 tetras as starter fish. I didn't want to pay a lot of money for fish to have them die on me. 1 expired and the rest seemed to be doing pretty well. After a month had passed, I thought I could probably put 2 or 3 smaller fish in there and that would pretty much be it. So, I bought 3 more...2 had longer fins and prettier colors to add some pizazz and I bought a catfish to help with the algae.

Within a week...the catfish and one of the long finned fish died. I think they were beaten up by the tetras, which normally aren't hostile to other species, but they had claimed this tank as their 'hood and I guess there were being kind of protective.

A little while after that, I tried these pretty little teeny tiny fish that I just liked because they were pretty. They were schooling fish, and so I bought 5 of them and my thinking was that they can huddle together like a little fish gang and protect each other.

They were eaten one by one by the other fish. I would wake up one morning and another one was gone.

I was down to the same three starter tetras and the long finned fish that wasn't as pretty as he was when I fight bought him because he kind of had chunks bitten out of him. But he is a survivor and actually, he seems to be the dominant fish of the tank!

These 4 little guys have been swimming around and keeping me company while I type away for about 3 years now.

It's not a big tank, it's not a fancy tank, but for some reason I find it kind of relaxing to watch them swim around.

I always do a fin count when I'm feeding them...just to make sure we are all still there and last night...one did not come up for his food. Hmmmmmmmm

I looked all over this tank and I can't see him or any remnants of him - where the heck did he go? He was there on Tuesday and gone on Wednesday.

Not a fin or scale to be found.

I'm going to have to pull the tank apart and see if he jumped into the filter in some kind of Finding Nemo ploy to escape back into the wilderness.

He didn't have a name - but he will be missed.

Gem Sweaters

Oh my...I think I'm in love with this woman!!!

Sex with a bike???

Man who had sex with bike in courtBy Richard Alleyne
Last Updated: 2:07am GMT 31/10/2007
A man has been placed on the sex offenders’ register after being caught trying to have sex with a bicycle.
Bryony Gordon: How do you have sex with a bicycle?

Robert Stewart was discovered in his room by two cleaners at the Aberley House Hostel in Ayr, south west Scotland, in October last year.

Robert Stewart admitted sexual breach of the peace
On Wednesday Mr Stewart admitted to sexual breach of the peace in Ayr Sheriff Court, where depute fiscal Gail Davidson described how he had been found by the hostel workers.
She said: "They knocked on the door several times and there was no reply.
"They used a master key to unlock the door and they then observed the accused wearing only a white T-shirt, naked from the waist down.
"The accused was holding the bike and moving his hips back and forth as if to simulate sex."
Both witnesses, who were extremely shocked, notified the hotel manager, who in turn alerted the police.
Mr Stewart was placed on the sex offenders’ register but his sentence was deferred until next month.
He is not the first man to be convicted of a sexual offence involving an inanimate object, however.
Karl Watkins, an electrician, was jailed for having sex with pavements

Pain in the Neck

My doc has recommended a sleep study for me, because I'm not sleeping at night.

But I'm tired all of the time.

I can fall asleep behind the wheel of my car while driving!

I can fall asleep at my desk during the middle of the day!

These aren't really the best time to take a nap I'm finding. People tend to think poorly of you when you veer off the road or find you snoozing behind your monitor!!!

The first battery of tests the doc ordered, we found out I had Lyme disease! Eureka!!!

I can't believe I was actually happy to get that diagnosis...it wasn't mental...there really was something physically wrong.

2 weeks of antibiotics and a nasty yeast infection later...the active Lyme has left the body.

Still tired and achy.

I have tried a variety of anti-depression medications. Side effects from those included, yawning constantly, heart palpitations, brain fog and general "I don't give a fuckness!" I didn't mind that last part, but the others were kind of driving me nuts.

Now, I take a little pill to keep me awake during the day so I can actually function and a little pill at night so that I can sleep.

This doesn't sound quite right to me, but temporarily I'm going with it.

Apparently I have now entered the "diagnoses by exclusion" phase. There isn't anything wrong with me that shows up on any test that they run; so it's time to via process of elimination, rule out other probable causes.

Possible candidates: Fibromyalgia or Chronic Fatigue

True confessions...I never believed that they were "real" conditions. I kind of thought they were for the lazy and whiney.

Research into these two conditions has made me change my mind.

If I keep moving...I can deal with the aches and pains. My mind is occupied by the activity that I'm doing, but as soon as I stop...........ohhhhhhhh man. Did someone get the number of the MAC truck that just hit me???

So...the sleep test is supposed to help see what my brain is doing when I'm sleeping and to see if I get to the deep restful sleep that re-charges the batteries. It will also check to see if I have any kind of sleep apnea etc.

I don't like tests...I get performance anxiety.

How the hell am I going to "sleep" when I'm hooked up to all kinds of wires and machines and I know someone is "watching me"?

Ugh.

'nuff said

"Spears’ ex-husband, Kevin Federline, now has sole physical custody of the kids “until further order of the court.”

Forget global warming. Something is definitely askew in the world when K-Fed is considered a suitable parent."

By Miki Turner
Entertainment writer
MSNBC contributor

Getting older

I just relized that I groan when I stand up!!!

When the hell did that happen?

I turn 44 and all of a sudden I'm a groaner?

Ohhhhhhhhh...this is soooooooooooo not happening.

I'm ranting and probably ragging too

You know...this kind of shit drives me absolutely crazy. Some girl in New Hampshire had her year book picture banned because she was holding a rose and the High School has a policy about holding props in year book photos.

The ban was put in place when previously another student wanted his photo in the yearbook holding a gun and they refused to print it.

The mother of the girl wasn't aware of the policy, the school didn't print the policy until this year, but they did send out an e-mail alerting parents of the due date of when to submit photos and stated that no props were allowed.

Now...if the school bends to the public pressure and allows the photo of the girl holding the rose, next year they are going to have to put before the school board a vote of what is an appropriate prop and what isn't. A referendum will take place, taxes will rise, protests will be held by the kids who want their pet rat, or a pick ax, a teddy bear, or whips and chains in their photos.

On the other hand, if they stand firm by their decision, they will be paraded by the media as being a little too strict...I mean come on...it's just a rose...it's not a gun for pete's sake and next year there will be a vote on the whole issue, are props allowed? What is an appropriate prop and what isn't? A referendum will take place, taxes will rise, protests will be held by the kids who want their pet rat, or a pick ax, a teddy bear or whips and chains in their photos.

Sometimes I think we have too many freakin' rules.

I say...let the guns and roses stay! Bring on the teddy bears and pick axes, throw in some rats and dogs, kitty cats and pet fishes, whips and chains and cars and boats and hats, scarves, knives, butterflies.

Who really gives a shit!?!? I mean...really?!?

It's a no win situation anyway because you just can't make everyone happy all of the time. It's impossible.

I could get into a whole dialog about personal responsibility, but I think I've said enough for one day.