People of Walmart

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Guess Who’s Back?

People are so damned stupid sometimes

A woman in Maryland was injured when her male partner made a homemade sex toy using a saber saw.

Apparently the idiot did not take the blade out of the saw and it cut through the plastic toy it was attached to.

Do you all have a mental picture of this?

Can we say: Holy mother of GOD what the hell were these people thinking?

Aiy chi wow wow OUCH!

There are such things called: F--k saws that look a lot like a power saw with a, um...dildo attached to it and I guess these people decided to make their own version.

Puts a whole new spin on the woman sawed in half at the ol' magic shows doesn't it?

She's super freaky...

...yeah!

Have you ever seen this woman?

Her name is Suze Orman and she totally freaks me out.

Her face is on billboards and books and signs all over the freakin' USA.

She is a "financial advisor" and "motivational speaker" and has written a few best sellers like: "The Courage to be Rich" and "The Money Book for the Young Fabulous and Broke".

I just can't trust that perfect smile. It really scares me.

There was an article on MSN today labeled: "Stop Listening to Suse Orman". So like a spectator at a train wreck I had to read it.

Here is a quote: "People who grew up without much money and later earn a comfortable living sometimes spend too much to make up for what they didn't get as children. . . . People who feel entitled to the good life, or are unconsciously copying a mother or father who lived beyond her or his means. . . . If you feel the need to impress people with what you have rather than with who you are, you are at high risk for credit card abuse."

Guess what...she grew up just that way, so what the hell is she trying to say?

She also said: "I have a million dollars in the stock market, because if I lose a million dollars, I don't personally care."

Hmmmmmm...uh yeah Suze...we all got a million dollars of exposable income, I'm right there with you sister.

I also have this bridge I wanna sell...any buyers?

As my main man Bugs Bunny always says: "What a maroon, what an ignoranimus!"

Are you calling me a liar?

True story:

BL (Boss lady) called me into her office the other day to go over a few things. She asked me if I had the XYZ folder. I told her no, that she gave me the file number, but never gave me the actual folder.

"Are you sure?" she asked.

"Almost positive, but to be honest I left my briefcase at home so I can't check it at the moment."

"You left your briefcase at home? With all of your "work files in there? That's not good."

Me thinking to myself: "Oh great...now she thinks I'm an absent minded and irresponsible twit."

Ok...she's not too far off, but it was really just an honest - "shit I'm late" kind of mistake.

"I could have sworn I gave it to you." She proceeded to look around her desk which is covered in misc. piles of "stuff." "Hmmmmm, it's not here. I know it was and I thought I had brought it into the meeting last week."

"Well, I will check my paperwork when I get home, but I am fairly certain I do not have it."

The next day BL comes towards me with a file in her hand: "Look what I found!" she exclaimed.

Me, being the sarcastic smart ass that I am responded: "See, I told you I didn't have it."

"Are you calling me a liar?" She asked me point blank.

"No, I am not." I replied thinking to myself - "ok...where the fuck did that come from?"

Then she looked me square in the eyes and said: "I do NOT lie."

"Hey, I was just joking with you." I walked away swiftly with the file in my hand thinking: "what the hell just happened?"

This is not a good start to this working relationship.

1. I have never been accused of calling someone a liar before...especially from a boss.

2. It has been my experience that if someone has to proclaim that they "aren't" something it is because they are. Like the shop keeper M and I met in Stroudsburg last weekend who warned us of the "Blacks and Latin Americans" in town and to watch out for our dangling earrings because they'll steal them from you. But he's not a racist.

Sure, buddy...whatever you say.

3. I think "BL" has some hormonal issues or some personality fluctuations that cause her rapid changes from "really nice happy go-lucky "BL" to "ranting, raving freakin' lunatic "BL".

Seriously.

AND she's a lawyer so I better watch myself.

It has been an interesting month to say the very least.

My "training" is done and I have to admit that this is probably the most I've had at any job.

They really want me to be successful and I appreciate that. Especially in this economy, it will not be an easy task.

For the most part I have to say that everyone in the office was willing to help me out. There are always personality quirks that one has to get used to. Just remembering that I've crossed the river from "majority liberal New Jersey" to "majority conservative Pennsylvania" is very hard at times since the office is literally just across the bridge - but it is truley a different world entirely.

Time will tell how this works out for me. I am not quite used to this market, it is much more aggressive and "hard selling" than I like. Actually I don't like sales at all to be completely honest. I just kind of evolved into this position. Truth of the matter - I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up.

If I ever grow up.

Raising alpacas has peaked my interest.

But I'll save that for another post.

Have a good weekend all - I hope to get back into the grove of things once I've unpacked and settled down a bit.

Be well!

Howdy!

I'm back...sort of.

It's kind of a long story and I don't really feel like typing it out but I have soooooooooooo much to tell you all.

I will I promise, but for now I'll just leave with you this:

I stole this from MSN:

Shin-kicking is a sport?

Yep.

Invented in the Cotswolds of England, circa 1600, shin-kicking is an annual event at the Cotswold Games.

Here's how it works: Kick your opponent as hard as you can in the shins. If your opponent falls to the ground in pain, you earn a point. The winner takes the highest score in the best of three rounds.Inhumane? Not entirely. Competitors are permitted to stuff their pants with hay.

Think that's bad?

Try ferret stuffing.

This illegal "sport" can be traced to Yorkshire, England, where allegedly sane men stuff ferrets in their pants to see who can suffer the longest. Who holds the record? In 1981, Reg Mellor kept two of 'em down for five hours and 26 minutes.

Five hours and 26 minutes he "suffered" with 2 live ferrets in his pants.

How did they come up with this sport in the first place?

Nevermind, I don't think I want to know.

Um

I just choked on my own spit...how's that for an act of stupidity?

:::sigh:::

Maybe I'll have something better to write about tomorrow.

Random stupidity

Do you ever forget how to walk?

No...I'm serious about this.

I am wearing a pair of shoes I don't normally wear and for some reason I have now completely forgotten how to walk.

I feel like I'm wearing clown shoes and that I am making a "thwap" every time I put my foot down.

And...I keep tripping!!!

What the fa is this all about?

Maybe that is why I don't wear these shoes anymore.

For Kat - the "shoes"



Boring ol' shoes!!!



I think the problem is with the person wearing the shoes and not the shoes themselves!!!

How could you do that to your child? part 2

Some parents just shouldn't be parents.

We all have read about them in the newspapers and have even known a few in our lifetime.

The ability to procreate does not necessarily mean you can be a parent.

Some of the people I feel who should not be parents are those who are abusive, neglectful, alcoholics, drug addicts, criminals, work alcoholics, self absorbed narcissists and stupid people.

A few months back I had a post about what some parents name their children in "How could you do that your child?" part 1.

It's obvious that there are still stupid people doing the same stupid things.

Such is the case of the girl named: Talula does the Hula from Hawaii

Yes...that is her name: Talula does the Hula from Hawaii

This poor 9 year old girl from New Zealand was so embarrassed by her name that she had her friends call her "K" because she did not want to reveal it.

The parents lost custody of this child and the girl will become a ward of the court pending a new name. The judge stated that it was child abuse because: "It makes a fool of the child and sets her up with a social disability and handicap."

:::sigh:::

What were these people smokin' when they did this?

Other names blocked by the court were:

Violence
Midnight Chardonnay
Number 16 Bus Shelter
Twins named: Benson and Hedges
Fish and Chips
Yeah Detroit
Stallion
Twisty Poi
Keenan Got Lucky
Sex Fruit
Fat Boy
Satan
Adolf Hitler and 4Real

Two words for these people: BIRTH CONTROL

Sheesh

Dancing Matt

So, you take a guy....he quits his job and takes what little money he has left and decides to travel and then make a goofy video of him "dancing".

You pick up a sponsor...they like the dancing Matt idea...pay for him to go around the world and do his little dance.

You ask the same sponsor "can we do this again, but invite other people to dance with me?"

Sponsors say yes...and voila!

Dancing Matt - with friends...brought to you by Stride Gum.



I thought it was kind of a happy video to play on on Monday! I needed a little something to make me smile...and this did!

Happy Monday all!

http://www.wherethehellismatt.com/

Why I stopped drinking...

...because I can't be responsible for my actions.

Worst Video of the Week

TGIF Bloggers!

I haven't quite come up with a new theme to replace the Drippin' with Cheeze series, but a fellow blog pal - Poetikat turned me on to this little gem!

What do you get when you mix: The Brady Bunch, ABBA, Grease and the Saturday Night Fever all in one?

One horrifically bad video!

As soon as "the dancers" come across the screen you immediately cringe. They start off with a number that looks a bit like a 1970's gym class! Then the sea of derange dancers part and you see the father for all of the children of the Village of the Damned.



What a manly man he is in his tight bell bottoms, white puffy shirt and gold chains! Yeeeowwzzzzaaaa!

He is joined later by a woman that I am guessing they were trying to dress up as Sandra Dee.

You can't keep your eyes off the dancers though...it's just mesmerizing.

At about 1:38 on the video...the guy in the front makes a move that would have made John Travolta swoon!

And the song...well...Kat warned me...because once it's in your brain...it sticks there and no matter how many times you listen to anything else...you mysteriously start humming it all over again.

It's a plague on humanity!




Pay attention to the very end....what are the dancers eating?

WTF?

M sent me this story from the WTF files. It's just way too bizarre for words:

A woman in Witchita Kansas has been sitting on her boyfriends toilet for over 2 years. So long in fact that her skin has started to graft around the toilet seat and the muscles in her legs have atrophied.

When the police and emergency medical services arrived, she refused treatment at first.

The "doodee"ful boyfriend brought her food and water, but did not call authorities right away. Instead he would just ask her if she was going to come out of the bathroom. Her response: "Maybe tomorrow".

Here is the full article if you want to read it.

http://www6.comcast.net/news/articles/national/2008/03/12/Woman.In.Bathroom/

I love the quote by the neighbor: "It really doesn't surprise me."

Wait...what?

Is this normal behavior in Witchita? Do people just hang out around their toilets for days just becuase while loved ones bring them food and water?

How did she bathe?

Oh....I don't even want to think about that one.

I can't sit on the comode for more than 5 minutes before my legs fall asleep!

All I can say is: wow

What happened to this woman to make her snap like this? What is freakin' wrong with the boyfriend that he didn't call sooner.

I sure hope there was more than one bathroom in the house or that would have just been even more ridiculous.

Gross!

How does one make this their goal in life to grow the longest ear hair?