Gentle Ben

He came into my store about 2 weeks ago.

Not my typical customer. Most of the people that come in are women...somewhere between 35 - 60. We don't usually get a lot of men who wander in by themselves...but Ben did.

He is a slight man. Tall, slender, with a relaxed look about him. He doesn't look like a "Jersey guy" and perhaps that is the reason I felt a connection to him.

Two knee braces were loosely hung around his ankles.

He looked kind of tired, he looked a bit sad.

"Bad knees?" I asked him.

"Yeah, I am a disabled vet. Got injured over there."

"Wow...I'm very sorry about that, but thank you very much for being there for us. You are a brave guy."

"Naw...not so much. I just love my country."

I felt myself take a deep breath when he said that.

We all love this country, only a few brave souls put their lives on the line though.

"Well Thank you...I really thank you for being there for us."

He nodded and remarked that he gets thanked by a lot of people and he appreciates it, but...

As he trailed off he kind of wandered around the store and told me I had some cool stuff.

It seemed as though he needed to get away for a bit. Somewhere different.

I asked him if he lived locally and he told me that he has been staying with his relatives right next door. He lives in Spartanburg, S.C. with is wife and family. He loves his wife dearly and can't say enough about his kids.

I've heard him next door with his nieces. They put up a trampoline and he jumps around with them. And laughs. They all laugh.

They are enjoying the moment.

He came up to NJ because his Uncle has cancer and it's getting close to the end. The family has been going to see him every day and are comforting each other.

Ben told me that his Aunt can't let go. She sees that some days he seems better so she thinks that he is better.

He shakes his head.

He knows.

He knows death.

Ben roams around the store looking at all of the different things and likes each one.

He is in pain.

Emotional. Physical.

***

Ben came in a few times over the past 2 weeks and then went back home to his family. He told me he would be back when his uncle passed to go to the services.

He came in today.

His uncle passed on Saturday.

I told him I was sorry for his loss - he was just barely holding it together.

He was trying to be strong for his other uncle who he said was always strong...until now.

Ben teared up a bit...and changed the subject.

He was trying to be strong too.

As a distraction I asked him how his wife and kids were doing. His son's birthday was on Saturday. He smiled.

Then he got the call about his Uncle.

We promised to keep in touch. By e-mail. By Facebook.

Gentle Ben.

So much pain and sadness in this mans eyes.

I gave him a hug and a 90% dark chocolate bar to bring home to his wife. He told her about it and she really wanted to try it.

He smiled....blushed a bit.

He's a good man Ben. Too young to be so disabled, in so much pain.

I think he is happy though.

I hope he is.

Gentle Ben...say a prayer for him please. Keep him and all of the other men and women who have served in your prayers. They so deserve it.

Thanks Ben - thanks.

Nevermind

I had wanted to write a post about my trip to NYC yesterday, but after a few glasses of wine my thoughts are a bit muddled.

SO - instead this will be Random thoughts which is what I am best and and one of the reasons for the title of my blog anyway.

Why do people on trains feel the need to carry out conversations as though no one else can hear them?

Quote that I overheard from a 20 something young girl to the guy she just met on the train sitting in the seat across from her. Which by the way she talked the entire 1 1/2 yours to - but who's counting: "So like to get anywhere you would like have to work the old fashioned way from the bottom up. Can you believe that? I was like No way!"

(Ok...this may not have been the "actual" words, but it's close.)

Old fashioned way? Like "earning it"?

Heaven forbid!! (is this a republican statement or just an older person's view on things?)

Next - why do people feel the need to talk about their personal lives to perfect strangers?

Is it loneliness? The need to unburden oneself? Anyone? Please help me to understand why a grown woman would tell a perfect stranger (not me thankfully) about the staff infection she got while visiting someone in the hospital which landed her in a quarantined section of a different hospital for 7 days?

Also - does talking loudly about a potential business deal while you are on a train make you important or just really annoying to everyone else who could care less?

Lastly - if you are sitting on a train and you smell something foul and there is only one other person around you and you know that that foul smell didn't come from you - should you ask them to at least say "excuse me?"

Ohhhhhhhhhhhh....so many questions - so little time.

And so inconsequential compared to what is happening in Haiti.

How many people have perished? Over 50,000? Maybe more?

And we are subjected to Acts of Stupidity like this from the moronic idiot Rush Limbaugh: "I do believe that everything is political to this president," Limbaugh said on his radio show yesterday. "Everything this president sees is a political opportunity, including Haiti, and he will use it to burnish his credentials with minorities in this country and around the world, and to accuse Republicans of having no compassion."


or this from TV Evangelist Pat Robertson:

"Something happened a long time ago in Haiti, and people might not want to talk about it," he said on Christian Broadcasting Network's "The 700 Club." "They were under the heel of the French. You know, Napoleon III, or whatever. And they got together and swore a pact to the devil. They said, we will serve you if you'll get us free from the French. True story. And so, the devil said, okay it's a deal."

I ..... am without words.





P.S. - If you find any typo's or grammatical errors, oh well!

I really don't give a flying fig! :)

Home again

I'm baaaaccck!

My plane landed at 6:05 AM, I was home around 8:00 and in bed at 8:30.

Gone are the days when you used to fly the red eye home and there would be only 10 other people on the plane.

You used to be able to lift the arm rests up and stretch out across the seats because you would have a whole row to yourself.

Now they pack you in like sardines and you pray that your seat mates are nice because you will be spending the next 5 - 6 hours in close proximity to them.

Generally speaking, most of the people I've sat next to have been OK. There was the toddler with the poopy diaper I had to deal with once, and the very large, very hungover gentleman stuck in a window seat who still had alcohol coming through his pores who couldn't sit still, the over friendly man who talked to me almost the entire 7 hours back from Holland, the tiny Indian nun who took up more space than I could imagine - but overall...no real nightmares.

My seatmate on the way home this trip wasn't so lucky.

I had a window seat and I shared the aisle with two young women who were in their 20's.

The young lady sitting next to me in the middle seat looked a bit nervous. She was kind of fidgety and kept talking to her boyfriend/husband who was sitting in the middle seat across the aisle. We'll call her Manic Middlegirl

The woman on the aisle seat looked kind of like a young professional Type A personality. She had an assorted array of fruits in veggies chopped up in little baggies, she was reading some kind of finance magazine and she just had that kind of closed of look about her. Let's call her "Miss A".

She was getting a little annoyed with the chatter between her seat mate and her boyfriend.

Red eye flights are interesting because they don't serve food and they only come around once with a "light snack and beverage" service. At one time they didn't even show a movie during the overnight flights...they would turn off the lights and not bother you until you were close to landing.

Once you take off...you can see people try to get settled in. They either position themselves for sleep or read, listen...but there isn't a lot of movement generally during these flights.

I prefer the window seat for two reasons: I can lean up against the side of the airplane and try to get comfortable, maybe get a little sleep and I don't have to get up and down if anyone else needs to use the lavatory.

Miss A looked like she was ready for sleep right away. She put her magazine and little snacks away, reclined her seat and closed her eyes.

Manic Middlegirl - who upon hearing that "Fools Gold" would be the feature movie for the evening yelled across the aisle to hubby/boy for $1 so she could buy earphones so that she could watch the movie.

The tension is building up between Miss A and Manic.

A glare was thrown over to Manic by Miss A as the dollar bill was passed over the aisle.

Movie starts - Miss A closes her eyes again...Manic relaxes and watches the movie.

The flight attendants pass through the cabin with their beverage service...all three of us have a glass of water and we settle back down again.

To Manic's credit...she was actually a lot more relaxed than I thought she was going to be. Once the movie started...she kind of snuggled in and just sat and watched.

Miss A - looked like she fell asleep.

45 minutes later...the flight crew came through again to see if anyone needed anything else, collect the empty cups from the previous pass through and just checked to make sure everyone was OK.

They woke up Miss A, Manic ordered a ginger ale and I asked for a bit more water.

Miss A wasn't happy.

15 minutes later...the flight crew came through again to collect trash.

As Manic passed her glass over to the flight attendant...she must have touched Miss A and woke her up again.

Miss A threw a hissy fit and went off on both Manic and the flight attendant that this was the second time she was woken up and she wasn't happy about it and she did NOT want it to happen again. Both the flight attendant and Manic apologized to Miss A.

As I passed my empty cup over the the flight attendant after this little exchange happened...poor little Manic gave me a look of complete and utter fear.

5 minutes later...Miss A turned to Manic and told her: "I'm sorry I snapped at you, but I'm really tired and it's very hard for me to sleep on planes and once I am interrupted I can't go back to sleep and it happened to me TWICE so that is why I got upset."

Manic said she was sorry again for bothering her and gave me another look of: "Oh my god...get me out of here and away from this woman please!"

For the next 3 1/2 hours...Miss A fussed and fidgeted, turned her light on and off, read through every piece of reading material she had...at least 2 times...very noisily turned the pages...crumpled her water bottle - loudly...got up...sat down...ate her little perfectly cut up fruits and veggies while Manice Middlegirl...fell sound asleep.

Manic didn't make a move until the Captain announced that we were in our final descent and should be on the ground in about 20 minutes.

I had to kind of laugh at the whole scenario and I would have felt bad for Miss A if she hadn't tried so hard to make everyone else around her as uncomfortable as she was. I know she was tired and I know she was upset...but do you have to share your pain with all of those around you?

When we landed...Miss A was up and off that plane like a bat out of hell. Huffing and puffing and clearing a path as she went.

Manic hugged her boyfriend as they met again in the aisle and I followed behind them as she told him everything that had happened.

They were both laughing and shrugging their shoulders..."what a total bitch!" Manic joked.

I had to chuckle myself. It's easier to be the observer in this situation than it is to be part of it. I came into the situation more concerned about sitting next to Manic thinking that she would be the fidgety one and that Miss A would just settle down and go to sleep.

How wrong I was!

Anyhoo - hopefully this will be the last of the long distance trips I will have to take for a while. Flying used to be kind of exciting for me...now it's a total drag - but at least now with this trip I've qualified for "elite" status with Continental!

I don't really know what that means...but I think it's a good thing.

Office conversations

There is a gentleman in my department that I often have very interesting conversations with.

I will call him JB.

JB is young - 32, he's very intelligent, a loner, fairly conservative, history buff; a ferocious reader - I think he averages 5 - 7 books a week depending on what he is reading. He does not read fiction though...aside from the classics or what he considers "great literature".

When I first met JB, I thought he was in his early 40's. He looks older than he appears. JB dresses in a suit and tie almost every day except in the dead heat of the summer time. Then he will just wear a dress shirt and tie and fore go the jacket.

On Fridays - casual day, I've seen him dress in khakis and a nice polo shirt.

He doesn't own any blue jeans.

JB lives with his Mom. His father passed away when he was very young. He has a relatively happy existence I think with his Mom, his dog Snoopy an aging spaniel/lab mix and his books. I know he is a Free Mason and he wears his ring very proudly. He occasionally goes to church and knows more about religions...many different kinds of religions than anyone I've ever actually known.

I didn't think JB and I would get along very well when I first started working here; he seemed too rigid...too conservative...Mr. Republican, but we've co-existed very nicely in our working relationship and he's actually found a certain place in my heart.

I worry about him...he seems lonely. He has some health issues that are progressive...some of these issues may be brought on by himself...JB is filled with anxieties and fear. You can see that just from looking at him. I have no doubt there are many demons in that mans mind that he is trying to control.

Actually - when you look at him as a whole - he would fit the perfect profile for a serial killer or a disgruntled employee who one day just SNAPS and comes into work with a semi-automatic weapon and takes out as many people as he can before taking his own life.

He's invisible in a way. No one pays attention to him...so no one really sees him.

JB is extremely uncomfortable in social situations - he could possibly have Aspergers Syndrome...but I think his social anxiety has more to do with his upbringing than any physical or neurological impairment. The stories he tells about his father: strong and dominant alpha Italian man with perhaps some ties to local Philadelphia "families" that would make a great episode of the Sopranos!

There is a picture of his Mom and Dad on JB's cubicle wall. Taken perhaps late 60's early 70's. It's in front of a bar that they had in their house. Dad has one arm around Mom...the other hand holds a cigarette. He looks young, brave, cocky...confident. Mom looks stylish, she's smiling, but she's more reserved.

I wonder about that picture sometimes.

Hidden stories.

JB is actually a very approachable guy. He likes to talk. He likes to talk about himself a lot. Trying to get recognized perhaps? But you can ask him about anything, ANYTHING and he will talk about it. Sometimes I agree with him, sometimes I don't and I tell him so. He appreciates that.

We've learned to have a bit of banter back and forth. He joked about the Hilary Clinton Nut Cracker I have in my office - but then will discuss her possibilities and what she is up against in a very non-judgemental way.

He has a very satirical sense of humor and I like that. Sometimes he takes himself a bit too seriously, but all in all...he's an OK guy.

Every morning JB gets his cup of coffee and then stops by my office to say "Good Morning". We exchange the usual pleasantries: Hi JB...how are you today? Fine...how are you? Good thanks...OK...have a great day!"...that sort of thing. Once in a while we drift off to a topic that just pops up.

Today he mentioned that his ol' dog Snoopy has to go in for an operation. Snoopy is 12. He loves that dog. It is companion. I think he thrives on the unconditional love this animal gives him.

JB is worried about Snoopy- scared. Hopeful that everything will go OK. JB told me that he and his Mom gave ol' Snoop a bath over the weekend. Snoopy didn't like that and he's been snubbing them since.

I laughed..."dogs are smart" I commented, "They know when something is going on."

JB agreed...he thinks Snoopy is a very smart dog. (most dog owners think that way)

I asked JB if he thought dogs have a soul.

He reflected a bit and finally answered: "I think all living creatures have a spark of the divine in them."

"I like that answer JB". I said.

We somehow got into a semi-religious conversation and he went on to tell me about various saints and apostles. Something about Thomas Aquinas being a jerk...Paul was a misogynist...Adam and Eve was just a story...some of it I know...most of I didn't. He fills me in on the spots when I ask him, but he's always very "matter of fact" about it.

We debated whether he thought Jesus was a liberal or not. I told him about the bumper stickers I've seen on cars. He said if you apply him in today's times he would have been thought of more liberal than conservative, but those terms did not apply when he was alive, so you can't really view him in that light.

OK...fair enough! :) (Did I mention he's a stickler for minute detail?)

"Jesus had a bit of a temper though", he commented, "He went a little crazy in the market!"

Sometimes JB truly shocks me!

Throws me a curve ball that I don't expect.

I always think of JB being a very conservative Christian and I have a horrible prejudice against what I consider "conservative christians". Bad experiences with ex in-laws and just from shit I read in the news has formed my opinions and I know it's wrong, but they make my skin crawl.

Anyway - JB is not a conservative Christian. He's just a Christian. He has his faith, he believes in it and believes in the underlying theme of Christianity - but he's a "modern man" and he understands how politics and times have played their part in shaping todays "organized religions". His one comment to me today was: "I don't think Jesus would approve of the Pope that is for sure."

I agree.

We talked more about dogs and souls and if dogs go to heaven...and what is heaven really? He prefers the Buddist's view of the afterlife that you find your new parents and you are re-born into a different life, but he finds faults in that too. "No matter really...we'll all find out when we die I guess."

JB has a curiousness to him that feeds his need to fill his mind with so much information. He's my walking "wikipedia".

He also has a gentleness about him that is quite endearing at times. He know's I am gay and his reaction was "Oh...OK. Well, that doesn't bother me at all. People are people...and you are a nice person."

That was one of the nicest things I've heard in a long time.

JB is a nice person too. He has his oddities, but don't we all?

We sometimes pick on him in the office because he can be so stiff and reserved, but I like JB. I like talking to JB - one on one. He has some very interesting things to say. I like to listen...sometimes.

He thanked me for our chat today. He really doesn't get to do that too often with his co-workers.

I told him, "The pleasure was all mine JB! Have a great day!".

He smiled and walked away.