Saturday, January 23, 2010

Don't drink and blog

I was a bit afraid this morning to read the post I wrote last night. I had a few glasses of wine in me at the time. It turned out not to be too bad after all. Luckily no secrets were revealed, no "I love you all out there in the blog world" meaningless blurts.

Change was basically the premise of the whole post. How I deal with it - that sort of thing.

I immerse myself into projects or a new job. Sometimes a little slowly at first and then after a while I become totally focused on it. Almost to the exclusion of anything else.

During the summer it was the little garden project, and then the rain barrel project and then the little pool project. I had a few other projects on my list, but I didn't really want to do them and so I never did. Painting the laundry room and painting the bilco doors keep getting recycled on my list. They aren't hard jobs, but for some reason I keep putting them off.

Once all of the little projects were done - slowly I started doing some things for me! I had nothing better to do, so I grabbed the camera, went on walks with the dogs, took some fun bike rides which led into eating healthier, losing a bit of weight and really feeling good about myself.

I was energized. Margie and I joined a gym and we were going pretty regularly.

Then another change happened - my friends opened up a little cookie bakery place and asked if I could help.

SURE - no worries. I worked with them to do some clean up and set up. We got together to figure out what recipes we wanted for our basic cookies and I became immersed in the entire process. Having a blast!

Unfortunately my focus on the cookies took my focus off myself. No more bike rides, no more gym, screw eating healthy I had cookies to taste test.

Talking with counselor G, she asked me what is it that I think rattles me the most and it's obvious that change is the answer.

This is where I think the ADD part kind of comes in. I like the change as long as it's challenging. When I lose the challenge I become bored and complacent. Looking for the new next exciting thing.

Something else to focus on for a while.

I've always admired people who have worked for the same company for 5 - 10 - 20 years. I like the concept, but it seems elusive to me. Sitting in a cubicle 8 hours a day doing the same thing over and over is like slow torture. Let me do something new, move me to a different department but change it up a little.

My focus is a bit scattered at the moment. There have been a few new changes in my life so I am re-adjusting myself again. The new puppy - BIG change. Working less hours at the cookie place - little change. Starting back to school next week - expected change.

If I look at it as a whole - all of these changes are happening at the perfect time. My decreased hours at work will give me more time to do my homework for school and play with puppy as needed.

Counselor G asked - that's all fine, but what are you doing for YOU?

Me? Me who?

Going back to school is for me - all me not for anyone else.

Counselor G asked - what about your photography and your painting?

That has taken a back burner recently.

Counselor G - and why is that?

Ummmmmmmmmmmmm....well. Becaaaaaaauuuuuuse I'm too busy doing other things?

Counselor G shakes her head slowly - uh uh. Not good. Your homework for our next session is to give time to Sharon AND - tell me exactly what you've done.


Why is doing something for OTHER people easier to me than doing something for myself?

Guilt? Co-dependency? Laziness? Unselfishness?

Overcompensating for being too selfish earlier in my life?

All of the above?

:::drumming fingers::: what am I going to do. I am going to do some work on a stippling picture I started and numb my mind with tiny little dots. it's actually very therapeutic. I really have to focus and I get in a zone.

Off I go - here is a picture I was playing with last week. It's kind of trippy looking. Let me know what you think!

Made totally without the use of any mind altering chemicals - scary place my brain sometimes!

Have a fabu weekend all!



Poetikat said...

Hi Shazza! The picture reminds me of those black and white drawings where you see both a witch and a beautiful lady. You know the one?

I think your counselor is right; you need to devote some time to you and YOUR creativity. Don't let that dwindle.

And don't let your health slide either - take those cookie taste-tests in moderation.

Now I'm going to read the "under the influence" post.


dive said...

Yay! You really should get creative, Shazza. You're fantastically talented and now that you might have a teensy bit more time you ought to make good use of it.

And I thoroughly enjoyed your drunk blogging. It reminded me of the old National Drunk Blogging Day from three years back. Sheesh! Never again!

neetzy said...

Keep on being creative sis. Hey don't let your counselor beat you up either. You've been having fun with your new job and puppy. If painting gets to be a chore, you need to step away from that sometimes. (BTW I have to post something)