A nice ending

To a nice weekend!

I am sitting out on our deck with the chiminea glowing and the tiki torches lit. They are both more for ambiance than anything else. The temp is about 70 degrees, not really cool enough for a fire and there aren't really any mosquitoes buzzing around.

If you ever need to hear a voice in the middle of the night
When it seems so black outside that you can't remember light
Ever shone on you or the ones you love in this or another lifetime

M is inside watching one of her horror movies.

We're both doing what we want to right now.

And the voice you need to hear is the true and the trusted kind
With a soft, familiar rhythm in these swirling, unsure times
When the waves are lapping in and you're not sure you can swim
Well here's the lifeline

Tomorrow she will head back off to work and will have to deal with "The Troll" who will be back from vacation. This is her boss. I've never met her but from what M has told me I wouldn't like her very much. Overbearing, micro-managing, hyper active, and doesn't have a clue.

M is feeling a bit stressed and anxious about going back. I can't blame her. Who the heck wants to work with that?

If you ever need to feel a hand take up your own
When you least expect but want it more than you've ever known
Baby here's that hand and baby here's my voice that's calling, this is love,
all it ever was and will be
This is love

We've talked about moving from this area. It's become way too congested for my taste and way too expensive for M's. Our taxes have nearly doubled since moving here in May of 2000.

And if you ever need some proof that time can heal your wounds
Just step inside my heart and walk around these rooms

We had another conversation about it tonight. M told me she would like to have a "meeting of the minds" this weekend. This is her way of telling me she would like to have a serious conversation about something. Sometimes it's money, sometimes it's about family, but this time was about our future.

Where the shadows used to be, you can feel as well as see how peace con hover
Now time's been here to fix what's broken with its power

She asked me to start this conversation. (I'm kind of like a deer in the head lights whenever subjects like this come up)

I took a deep breath and said what I wanted was the alpaca farm.

The love that smashed us both to bits spent its last few hours
Calling out your name, I thought this is the kind of pain
From which we don't recover

She fidgeted a bit and asked: Do you really want a to sell and breed Alpacas?

"I would like to have a big enough property, maybe 4 acres or so that I could have a few alpacas to raise plus have a garden I can futz with. I definitely need space around me.

What about you? What do YOU want? I have told you of the places I'd like to live and you've always gone along with my thoughts...what do you want? Where do you see yourself living?"

But I'm standing here now with my heart held out to you
You would've thought a miracle was all that got us through

M thought about it for a while and then said: "I would like to have space, but I need to live near a city where I can make a living." (This is why she's the analytical one. It's not that I didn't think of "how to make a living", but it was a secondary thought to where I want to be.

Well baby all I know, all I know is I'm still standing
And this is love all it ever was and will be
This is love

Ok - so let's narrow it down to perhaps an area we can both agree on. My choices have always been: North East, North West.

To narrow it down a bit more I can pick the states I've always imagined myself living: Oregon, Washington, Pennsylvania, New York, Massachusetts, Vermont, New Hampshire - maybe Maine.

And I see you still and there's this catch in my throat and
I just swallow hard till it leaves me

Pennsylvania is leading in all of this because we've both seen a lot of it and like it and my sister lives there and I would like to be closer to her. We may need each other in our old age!!!

There's nothing in this world that can change what we know
Still I know I am here if you ever need me
And this is love

We can both agree that we want do "downsize" a bit into a smaller house. Preferably one story or at least a home where the main bedroom is on the ground floor. Spare bedrooms or offices on another floor would be fine and a basement for me to descend to would be ideal. We both agree fireplace would be nice, a yard that I can have a garden in (at the very least) and where the dogs and roam around.

And if you ever think of me let it be around twilight
When the world has settled down and the last round of sunlight
Is waning in the sky, as you sit and watch the night descending

Suburbs or opens space? It will be up to me to find the space I want to be in. M really doesn't have an opinion either way. Where I live is very important to me. It's my comfort, my safety at the end of the day. Even though the area we live in now has become more congested we both love the house, the yard and we have been fortunate with very nice neighbors for the most part.

A car will pass out front with lovers at the wheel
A dog will bark out back and children's voices peal
Over and under the air, you've been there lost in the remembering

So I'll check out different areas online and in the real estate sections. Look for job prospects and try to prepare my daughter for this inevitable step. I'll get caught up in it for a while. There is a thrill in looking into something new.

Still - it will be hard to take that first real step.

And if you ever wish for things that are only in the past
Just remember that the wrong things aren't supposed to last
Babe it's over and done and the rest is gonna come when you let it

For now I think I'll put my iTunes on shuffle and listen to whatever comes up, and the sounds of the birds as they get ready to settle in for the evening. The smell of someone's bar-b-que (heavenly) and the cracklin' fire in my lil' chiminea and the distant sounds of M's horror movie just to add the right mix of chaos to the evening!!! (I'll never get that)

Sipping my wine...watching the last few minutes of sunlight contimplating all of this will keep me busy for a while.

Eh...maybe not now - tomorrow is another day after all! ;)

Cheers all!

And this is love, all that it ever was and will be
This is love, when you let it, if you let it now
This is love, all it ever was and can be
This is love


Song: This is love by Mary Chapin Carpenter