Thursday, May 29, 2008

Do you ever...

give people you pass along the street names?

Like: "Mr. Swagger" for the tall young guy with the designer jeans, white striped shirt un-tucked, baseball cap that fit his head like a glove, designer sunglasses and a gait that screamed out to all the ladies out there - "Hey what you see?"

gag me

or -

'Confused lady" in the orange knitted floppy hat, matching orange skirt and blouse and white shoes who crossed the intersection of 3rd and Chestnut 3 or 4 times before some kind gentleman asked if he could help her.

This is what I did today on my way back from Reading Terminal.

There were lots of "Scrub grubs" walking around Jefferson Hospital and the older ladies that walked in groups of 2 or 3 that I called "bitta, bittas" because that was all you heard out of their mouths as they were talking. It kind of reminded me of the scene from the Music Man: "pick a little, talk a little, pick a little, talk a little, cheep, cheep, cheep, talk a lot, pick a little more".

I guess there was a matinee at the Walnut St. Theatre today because there were a lot of those ladies around today.

There was "Mr. Cell phone" - standing right smack dab in the middle of the sidewalk, turning from side to side talking to someone on his crackberry and attempting to give directions to someone on the other end. I wanted to just yell out to the person on the phone - just listen for his voice as your driving down the street...he's loud enough that you can hear him a few blocks away!

His counterpart..."Lady Cell phone" - I got stuck behind her for a block or so as she slowly sauntered down the street, waving her free arm, talking on the cell phone and taking up as much sidewalk space as she possible could for a person her size. (she was tiny)

"Ms. Blue Suit and Sneakers" - impatiently trying to pass the groups of bitta, bittas and almost running over Mr. Cell phone in her lame attempt to get where ever the heck she needed to go. (back to work after an quickie?) One can only hope...she looked a little uptight.

"Crazy Guy" in shorts trying to light his cigarette in the wind and then talking to himself. LOUDLY! I thought maybe he had a blue tooth on and was talking on the phone...but no...he was actually talking to himself! Laughing...having a good ol' time.

Good for him!

"Same Shirt Hazards" - these are the multiple school groups in the city for class trips. Seas of Orange, yellow, red, blue, greens come rushing towards you and you just run. RUN FOR YOUR LIFE! If you get swallowed up in a Same Shirt Hazards - you aren't going anywhere for a while. They surround you, envelope you and pull you in. Making you walk at their slow pace. You try to weave in and out - but there is always some kid ready to just jump in front of you and cut you off.

"Mail Order Bride" was walking with "Bling, bling, on the thing, thing." - MOB wore a black dress that made a mini-skirt look absolutely Victorian. Black stiletto heels that laced up to her knees and a hot pink pocket book. Between the short, short dress and the heels, she could only walk in these teeny tiny steps that made her even more absurd looking. Bling, bling, on the thing, thing.was a young African American male...didn't look more than 20 years old - big baggy pants, big baggy shirt...big chunky silver chains...rings on the all the fingers and walkin' like he was "all that".

Ok, OK..."Mail Oder Bride" and "Bling, bling, on the thing, thing." were obviously something else - but hey...I was being nice.

"Lovely Lady with the Cane" - she was my favorite. This was an elderly woman, her hair swept up in a tight french twist, wide brimmed sun hat, big black sunglasses, nice tailored suit, and comfortable flat shoes. Think Katherine Hepburn style. She was out for her afternoon walk along Walnut street...I don't know if she had a goal...maybe she was headed towards the Theatre with the bitta, bittas...but she didn't look like the type actually. She was more likely to sit herself down somewhere in Washington Square park and watch the people go bye with a bright, but lonely smile on her face. Reminiscing or hoping someone will be kind enough to sit and chat with her for a bit. She looked like she had some great stories to tell.

I finally found a vacant park bench and had a nice view of Commodore Barry and a group of Same Shirt Hazards with mock wooden muskets getting a lesson on how to be a colonial soldier.

"Huzzah!" they shouted on command!

I ate my Original Turkey sandwich - adding a few more names to my list. Smiling.

If you passed me by you probably would have named me: Wacky woman on a park bench smiling to herself!!!


LG said...

Not only do I give them names, but I provide the dialogue for what I think they're thinking at the moment.

I'm a nerd.

the only daughter said...

Not just people (& giving them names) AND providing dialog...but also things. Think: a long flippy sandal sitting in the middle of the street. Wonder why, how, when? Wonder the nature of the foot that wore it, the mood of ther woman who lost it? What she did when discovering it was gone?

Oh yeah, I hear ya wacky woman on the park bench.

The Village Carpenter said...

I wonder if I could find an M.O.B. outfit for Presby....sounds pretty sweet.

Sharkbuttocks said...

Oh, I give 'em names. Woman incensed cuz someone stole her foil hat. Field trip from the psych hospital clique.

Shazza said...

LG - I'm so glad I'm not the only one!

OD - Oh yeah- I do that too. I guess as long as it's in my head and I'm not saying these things out loud to's OK.

VC - Presby is pretty enough without a get up like that one! TRUST ME!

SB - seen a few without their foil hats, they are usually the most entertaining!

Poetikat said...

For some reason, nerds have always been "Melvins" to me.
Most of the time, my husband and I just say, "Dude!!!" What are you thinking wearing those (shorts, dress, hat, moustache, shoes etc.?)

And then I have to remind myself - all God's children. Hmm.


dive said...

All the time, Shazza.
And people on my train, too.
Too many to mention here, but they crop up in my posts from time to time.