Monday, June 15, 2009


Officially it's been 107 days since I was "let go" from my former employer.

Since then I have been spending my time working on various projects around the house that I needed/wanted to get done.

We keep a white board up in our kitchen to remind us of appointments or write little notes to one another when we're feeling silly. I have been using it as my job jar. It works pretty well if I write down the things I need to do, but if you don't write it ain't gettin' done!

M will ask me: "Did you remember to do such and such yesterday?"

"Nope...sorry I forgot. Write it down so I'll remember please."

Then we go on about our business and neither one of us remembers to write it down. A few weeks later she may ask me the same thing.

This will go on and on until ONE of us remembers to write the damn thing down!

There are a few jobs that I don't have on the white board that I haven't forgotten about. Maybe deliberately, maybe I'm just being lazy or maybe I'm scared.

1. Lose weight. I've been successful at losing weight in the past, but I have not been successful in keeping it off. Kind of like Oprah. I'll shed 40 50 pounds and swear never to put it back on again. And I do. This is a job that I deliberately put off because it's SO much freakin' work to diet and exercise and I don't enjoy either one. I can work outside from dawn til' dusk and sweat my ass of mowing, raking weeding, pruning or whatever but 30 minutes on the dreadmill is B-O-R-I-N-G!!! Dieting or changing my eating habits or whatever you want to call is not as easy as it used to be. I used to be able to go on Weight Watchers for a while and really do well. Now as my body has been changing the weight loss is much slower and I lose my patience with it and then go out and buy myself a cream donut. (pathetic isn't it?)

2. Work on my art/creative side again. I used to enjoy picking up my camera and just go out exploring. Sometimes I'd go through 4 or 5 rolls of film and sometimes I'd only get off a few shots. Time of day, lighting and location will always dictate this. I've wanted to start painting again I enjoy it. It's very soothing and I can lose myself for hours doing it, but it's been at least 3 years since I've seriously painted anything. I've just been lazy really. I've made all kinds of excuses: I needed to clean up the basement (which I've done), I needed to clean off my art desk (check), I need more time to myself (bloody hell I've got gobs and gobs of it now). So now I've run out of excuses.

3. Me This is the scary one. I've been to counselors during times of crisis in my life: divorce, coming out, post-partum depression, grief, relationships etc. Each time has been very helpful in getting through the tough times. An objective opinion, someone who can give you the tools to help you get through whatever it is you need to get through. The counselor that I see now - she's different. She's sharp and sees right through my bull shit!

She's asked me to write. Freestyle- whatever comes into my head. Stream of consciousness. Carry a notebook around with me and whenever I feel like writing something down - just do it.

It doesn't have to mean anything, it doesn't have to be a journal of what I've done - just whatever goes on in my head.

Random thoughts!

Thoughts like: "I've had this chair for so long it's perfectly conformed to my butt."


"Why is it when you open up a new box of tissues you always get two tissues and so you try to stuff the other one back in the box and then it looks crappy?"


Excuse me, I've got work to do.


neetzy said...

Haha. I know about the tissue thing.

A few thoughts.

There will always be another day to clean the basement.

I think if we truly love ourselves we will not judge by the scale. I always see a miniature semiconductor telling me I am no good because I am fat. I too, struggle with this. This is why to this day I do not post my picture.

Create art. No matter how small, or trivial or incomplete. It is good for the soul.

I agree with the journaling thing. I did that for years during bouts of depression when I was home with the kiddies.
That ultimately empowered me to return to schol.

the only daughter said...

Random, like do you get nervous when you walk into a public bathroom and one of the tiles of the drop ceiling is askew?

The weight thing, for me it was embracing the slow and steady.

The art thing, working to absorb the art of others, just get it back into my bones, so to speak.

Write...yeah that too.

You'll get -there- so, it shall be written, so it shall be done.

dive said...

Hi, Shazza!

1. You look great. Ignore your weight.

2. Yay! Lots more art, please, and let's have some paintings.

3. Stream of consciousness worked for Burroughs, Dylan and David Bowie; it'll work for Shazza, too. Go for it.

Shazza said...

Neetzy, Deborah and Dive - thank you all very much!

neetzy said...

Love you sis. Oops. I misspelled "school". A Freudian slip perhaps or too much wine? (the likely culprit).

Believe in yourself. The stream of consciousness is a good thing. It helped me too.

Presbyfruit's History Bits said...

ditto to what Neetzy, Deborah and Dive said.

Scout said...

I have #1 and #2 on my unwritten list, too. I've decided to enjoy good bread and good wine and be moderate with the rest. If I'm not slim, I'm not slim. Is that the cheap way out?

The Village Carpenter said...

Being thin is so overrated. A woman without curves is like, well, a man.

dive said...

Not quite, TVC … A woman without curves still has a brain.

The Village Carpenter said...

Dive, men have brains--they're just not in the same location as women's. ; )