Gentle Ben

He came into my store about 2 weeks ago.

Not my typical customer. Most of the people that come in are women...somewhere between 35 - 60. We don't usually get a lot of men who wander in by themselves...but Ben did.

He is a slight man. Tall, slender, with a relaxed look about him. He doesn't look like a "Jersey guy" and perhaps that is the reason I felt a connection to him.

Two knee braces were loosely hung around his ankles.

He looked kind of tired, he looked a bit sad.

"Bad knees?" I asked him.

"Yeah, I am a disabled vet. Got injured over there."

"Wow...I'm very sorry about that, but thank you very much for being there for us. You are a brave guy."

"Naw...not so much. I just love my country."

I felt myself take a deep breath when he said that.

We all love this country, only a few brave souls put their lives on the line though.

"Well Thank you...I really thank you for being there for us."

He nodded and remarked that he gets thanked by a lot of people and he appreciates it, but...

As he trailed off he kind of wandered around the store and told me I had some cool stuff.

It seemed as though he needed to get away for a bit. Somewhere different.

I asked him if he lived locally and he told me that he has been staying with his relatives right next door. He lives in Spartanburg, S.C. with is wife and family. He loves his wife dearly and can't say enough about his kids.

I've heard him next door with his nieces. They put up a trampoline and he jumps around with them. And laughs. They all laugh.

They are enjoying the moment.

He came up to NJ because his Uncle has cancer and it's getting close to the end. The family has been going to see him every day and are comforting each other.

Ben told me that his Aunt can't let go. She sees that some days he seems better so she thinks that he is better.

He shakes his head.

He knows.

He knows death.

Ben roams around the store looking at all of the different things and likes each one.

He is in pain.

Emotional. Physical.

***

Ben came in a few times over the past 2 weeks and then went back home to his family. He told me he would be back when his uncle passed to go to the services.

He came in today.

His uncle passed on Saturday.

I told him I was sorry for his loss - he was just barely holding it together.

He was trying to be strong for his other uncle who he said was always strong...until now.

Ben teared up a bit...and changed the subject.

He was trying to be strong too.

As a distraction I asked him how his wife and kids were doing. His son's birthday was on Saturday. He smiled.

Then he got the call about his Uncle.

We promised to keep in touch. By e-mail. By Facebook.

Gentle Ben.

So much pain and sadness in this mans eyes.

I gave him a hug and a 90% dark chocolate bar to bring home to his wife. He told her about it and she really wanted to try it.

He smiled....blushed a bit.

He's a good man Ben. Too young to be so disabled, in so much pain.

I think he is happy though.

I hope he is.

Gentle Ben...say a prayer for him please. Keep him and all of the other men and women who have served in your prayers. They so deserve it.

Thanks Ben - thanks.

Sugar and Spice

Another Friday is here! For all you 9 to 5er's a two day reprieve before you have to do it all over again.

I hope it's a good one!

We have had THE crappiest weather this week. Rain, drizzle, more rain...throw in a little fog and humidity levels that do not dip below 90%.

Can we say sticky and disgusting? You never feel completely dry. My dogs have tracked in so much dirt and mud into my house I've just about surrendered to the fact that my house won't be clean until it dries up a little.

On the brighter side - both of my rain barrels are full again!


But the silver lining to all this crappy rain was that I got to spend all day with BOTH of my kids yesterday. My son is in from Chicago for a few days and daughter C had the day off so we went to our favorite little town: Ocean Grove and had a nice lunch. Afterwards my daughter wanted to put in an application to THIS store so my son and I moseyed about and he was getting ideas on how to decorate his new apartment since this one is bigger than his postage stamp size one he previously had.

My daughter played chauffeur and I have to tell you it was kind of nice being driven around!

We had to stop by the grocery store to pick up a few things for dinner and then my son and I went to the liquor store and he picked out a very nice Chilean Pinot Noir. Agustinos Reserva if you want to check it out. Nice and light and it went very well with our dinner which was beef, chicken and shrimp kabobs.

My daughter and her boyfriend were there and M came home just in time for us to serve up dinner.

We chatted and laughed and I am still smiling today because I enjoyed myself so much.

Here is a picture of my son, my daughters boyfriend and my daughter. (there was a picture that included me in there as well but between the sunburn I got on Sunday and the reaction to the sulfites in the wine I was as red as a lobster so I'm not going to post that one!)



Also - I want to mention that R (daughter's boyfriend) is in a band called Racing Kites. He's the drummer. If you ever want to check them out please do!

I let you know what my son's theme song was when he was a baby, but now it's C's turn. It's not a tune that is as well known but the first time I heard it was right after she was born. The very first time I got to hold her in my arms I said: "Hello little sweet pea! You have the brightest eyes!"

Sweat Pea was her nickname when she was little and she still is my little sweet pea, but she's all grown up now.



Thanks for a great day yesterday kids! I love you both!

Peace all - have a great weekend!

Valentine

Let's start with this part first:

This is all thanks to Wikipedia by the way, so if you are not a fan, just walk away!

Valentine's Day or Saint Valentine's Day is a holiday celebrated on February 14 by many people throughout the world. In the West, it is the traditional day on which lovers express their love for each other by sending Valentine's cards, presenting flowers, or offering confectionery. The day was originally a pagan festival that was renamed after two Early Christian martyrs named Valentine. The day became associated with romantic love in the circle of Geoffrey Chaucer in the High Middle Ages, when the tradition of courtly love flourished.

Let's define "Courtly love" shall we? Courtly love was a medieval European conception of nobly and chivalrously expressing love and admiration.[1] Generally, courtly love was secret and between members of the nobility.[2] It was also generally not practiced between husband and wife.


I love this last part...it just cracks me up.


If this is true then look how we in the "west" have taken it totally out of context!!!


That's Ok - Valentine's Day to me is little paper cards that were written the night before and given out in class the next day. Everyone got one and you looked on the back to see who signed it either "from" or "your friend" or "love"! and if the "LOVE" was followed by the name of the person you really thought was so cute, your were happy as a clam for the next day or so. 1st and 2nd grade love doesn't really last that long after all!

As I got older Valentine's Day was a day I dreaded. After grade school it took on a whole new meaning...this is when people started having "boy friends" or "girl friends" and asked each other out to the dance or for pizza.


I was one of those kids in middle school who didn't get asked.

Mostly because I looked like this:

Not quite the "Hot Mamma" that I am now!

There was one person who always accepted my Valentine's day wishes like I was the only love of her life!

Mom!

She used to give cards to each of us on Valentine's Day and sometimes included those little candy hearts that had those little sayings on them.

Man I loved those!

Whenever I felt ugly and insecure my Mom was always there to tell me differently.

One year I remember I wanted to make my Mom something special for Valentine's Day. Something beyond the regular Hallmark greeting card.

So...in a flash of inspiration I created this masterpiece:

How gorgeous is that?

My Mom added the little paper laced heart in the center years later!

Ok, OK...I know it's kind of ugly, BUT my Mom thought enough of it that she saved it and displayed it year after year! That thing must be 33 - 35 years old and it still looks EXACTLY like it did when I made it. It's just a little faded with time.

When I talked to my Dad recently he told me how he still puts this up every Valentine's Day. So I asked him to take a picture of it.

Look in the background, you can see little hearts in the plant! How can you NOT love a guy who puts little hearts in plants?

Thank you Dad! Love ya!

How the memories flood back when I look at it.

I know a lot of people get kind of sad and lonely on Valentine's Day because it's supposed to be for "lovers", but for me it's just about loving someone. Pure..simple...love.

And yes, it can be simple.

Or it can be complicated...

But people show love differently and I hope we all have someone to love. Even if it's a little bit.

So...Greeting cards and heart shaped boxes filled with chocolate or candy aside...I wish you ALL a very Happy Valentine's Day this year and I just wanted to let you know there is someone out there who sends you a little love. Even if it's just enough to get you through the next minute, hour or day.

Peace all!

Love to you all! (even just the little bit that you may need today)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U6PGrub3jUc

Happy Anniversary

Beware the Ides of March!

I guess the term always means something fateful is going to happen. Well, 11 years ago today it did. That is the first day that M and I finally met in person after a few months of e-mail, chat rooms and phone calls.

M was living in Florida and I was here in NJ. I was a moderator for a Lesbian only chat room. M used to come in…say Hi…say a few things and then always said good bye as she was leaving.

One day…she didn’t say good bye.

Hmmmmmm…the nerve!

What’s up with that?

I sent her an instant message to see if all was OK. And that’s how it all started!

At the time, we were both in rather bad relationships. I was with the psycho bitch from hell and she was with her twin sister – psycho bitch from Florida…equally as hot as hell, but add the humidity and it’s frickin’ unbearable.

We both ended our relationships…and decided that there was a little “something going on here” that we needed to investigate. Luck had it that she had a business trip planned in Philadelphia so we decided I would meet her there and see where this was going.

Our first meeting was not quite what we had hoped it would be.

First, I was 2 hours late!!! Our first meeting and I was 2 hours late! I got stuck in traffic on the way in and this was before cell phones were affordable so there was no way I could call her. (Strike 1)

When I finally arrived and apologizing profusely we headed out to find something to do and get some lunch.

I had planned on staying the night and M had requested a room with 2 queen beds…because you know…we don’t want to ASSUME we’re gonna hook up on the first night or anything. When I got to the hotel she told me that all they had was a room with a king bed. Now it was her turn to apologize profusely! (I was secretly saying to myself – YES)

We first went to the Camden aquarium – it was packed with school kids and was less than an ideal first date place to go. Later that day…I found out M is not really fond of aquariums. (Strike 2)

Oh…did I mention that I was soooooo nervous that I kept running through red lights? Yeah…there were about 3 of them that I just didn’t see. M was very polite and just quietly said: “did you know you just went through a red light?”

Ugh
(strike 3?)

Well…I was in a danger zone definitely, but we both hung in there to see if we could salvage this weekend.

For Dinner we found a little restaurant in the gay section of Philly where were treated like family. It wasn’t especially fancy, but it was warm and cozy and things started to turn around. We had learned a lot about each other over e-mails and instant messages, and phone calls, but now we got to see how we reacted to each other in person.

Was there chemistry? Yes…definitely

Did we find each other attractive? Yes…we did!

Where we comfortable with each other? Yes…unbelievably so – well, except for the beginning jitters of meeting someone for the first time, I think we both felt very comfortable with each other.

After Dinner, we headed towards Sisters which is a lesbian club in Philly…we hung out there for a little while and decided it may be best if we “go back to the hotel”!

Getting back to the room, there was the bed issue. How were we going to handle this?

Let’s just say…we handled it very well thank you! ;)

On Sunday, it got a little colder over night and poor M only had a light jacket with her (she lived in Florida, they don’t need heavy coats down there), we walked around and around and around looking for a café or place for breakfast…geez we walked forever before finally finding something.

We watched a bit of the St. Patrick’s Day parade before it was obvious that M was freezing and then we decided to head back to the hotel to “get warm.”

I hung out for the rest of the day and finally we said our goodbyes. I didn’t want to leave. I felt safe and happy that weekend. The best I had felt in a long time. M didn’t want to go either, but she had a flight to catch so we parted ways.

There were a lot more phone calls and e-mails and a few additional visits back and forth, but by September I flew down and packed up the Lesbian U-haul and we drove back to NJ and started living together.

11 years later…we’re still here!

Happy Anniversary M! I love you!