Hello ol' friend

It's been a while.

It almost seems weird to be here. What used to be a place I went to almost every day has become strange anymore.

Damn Facebook.

That instant gratification gets me every time.

I still don't get the whole twitter thing though. That is just weird.

So, what have I been up to lately? Eh...not much and a lot at the same time. I'm still unemployed but am not as panicked as I was two months ago when I wasn't sure I was going to get an extension of my benefits (I did). I've lost a bit of weight, joined a gym, have gotten a few house projects done - still have a few more that I need to do, but it will happen. I'm taking a class at my local community college - some day I'll be a college graduate! Before I'm 50 if I'm lucky!

There are all those little things in life that happens on a daily basis that unless you are Seinfeld are neither interesting or funny.

Rick and Cait have settled in somewhat. Rick went on tour with his band shortly after they moved in so he hasn't been here all that much.

Margie is good. Still dealing with the little bitch troll from hell at work.

The woman is under 5 feet tall and has a horrible Napoleon complex.

Margie seems to be her favorite target. She likes to manage by fear but it's hard to take her serious because she's a freakin' nutcase.

If she didn't make Margie's life so miserable I would say she is too insignificant to mention. Just another middle manager who kisses upper managements ass to make herself look good.

Nasty little person.

I've met some new friends. Started painting again - all of that feels good.

Feels like my life is changing in a more positive direction. Positive in the way that I it's moving the way I would like it to be.

This is good yes?

Two of the new friends I met at a party and we hit it off instantly. Two lesbians that have been together for a while and have children. Very similar to Margie and I. It's always nice to know another couple like that around here. One is an artist - a painter and the other worked for a large corporate business for over 14 years and then one day was told she was being laid off...escorted to her desk and asked to empty it out and leave.

After 14 years!

WTF?!

Now - she and her partner are opening up a small business and have asked me if I would like to work for them.

HELL YEAH!

The place is called the Cookie Cab and they will deliver fresh WARM cookies to your door!

They have a little store front in a downtown area near here which will be like a small bakery/cafe for the folks immediately around town but they want to push the delivery side of the business.

Just think about having warm delicious cookies delivered to your door on a chilly night when you are just craving something sweet but you don't have anything in the cupboards to satisfy you!

Mmmmmmmmm....mmmmmmmmm!

So much for the weight I've lost! HA!

Another new friend I've made is in my English class. She is just a few years younger than I am and is from Georgia (the country, not the state) and has been in the US since 1997. Our professor assigned us as "study buddies" on the first night and we hit it off pretty well. Her English is OK. She is still learning. Especially what is considered slang. I've been to her home a few times to review our lessons and to try to help her interpret what we are reading and discuss the stories.

She is very bright, but she struggles. She is still translating what she reads into her native language and then back into English and often reads things quite literally.

As a person who can only speak one language - I cannot even imagine how difficult this is.

She is very eager to learn - to make a better life for herself here in this country.

She works hard.

Her hard work sometimes makes me realize how much I take advantage of what I have in my life.

My life in a "free country".

She told me once: "I cannot wear pants in Georgia or I am a whore. I cannot drive in Georgia...or I am a whore. You get married and you give up your education because you are expected to stay home and take care of the house and the children and the husband."

I can't even wrap my head around this.

She was so proud when she got her U.S. citizenship and her driver's license she thought that nothing could stop her now!

How can you not admire someone like that?

When I go to her house to study with her she always feeds me. It's her way of being grateful for my help. She makes an awesome pizza, from scratch! She made me two extra pies to take home with me.

I've gained almost 2 pounds this week!

Tonight our class was cancelled. Our teacher said there was a family emergency. My new friend - her name is Maia, had another class to go to but it wouldn't start for another 1 1/2 hours. She didn't know what to do with herself so I invited her to the student center and thought we could go over the story we read and perhaps chat a little.

I also felt the need to "come out" to her. I like her and would like to be friends with her beyond our English class.

Coming out to someone is strange for me.

When my ex-husband and I seperated and I came out to all of my "friends" I realized that they weren't friends at all. I have not spoken to any of them since I came out.

That was painful.

I expected a few of them to naturally have a hard time with it. Here is a person you think you know then all of a sudden...maybe you don't really know them.

After that experience I threw myself into the "gay life" and just surrounded myself with "gay friends" and stuck rainbows on my car and did the whole "out and proud" thing for a while.

When some asshole called me a fucking dyke in my car with my kids in it...the rainbows came off.

If you have a problem with me...fine, but don't get into it around my kids.

For the most part I am not a closeted person. One look at me and you would probably guess that I am gay.

I get called "sir" a lot.

Coming out at the work place is fine. I didn't really care if my co-workers knew or not - but when I build a personal relationship with someone, someone I think I will see outside of the workplace or outside of a classroom it's a whole different place in my head.

It's letting yourself be vulnerable.

To...whatever? Prejudice! Religious views. Hate? Fear? Loss. Ignorance.

I don't do the whole vulnerable thing very well.

I guess there aren't too many people who do really.

Most of us are very guarded.

With good reason.

Sometimes it's just "no one else's business."

Sometimes there are scars.

Whatever the case may be...it's not an easy thing to reveal a part of your personal self to someone else. I always hold my breath a little whenever I come out to someone. You can never really predict how they will handle it.

As Maia and I were chatting, I told her that I wanted to tell her something. That if we were to continue a friendship there is something about me she should know.

I told her I was gay.

She said she guessed that I was, but it was really none of her business and it was my private/personal life.

I've heard this before.

Sometimes it comes out OK...sometimes - not so much.

She became a little nervous - but then shared with me some of her life in Georgia and some of her life here.

Her struggles.

How tired she is.

She let herself be vulnerable for a while.

We learned a lot about each other tonight. I think we are both good people and will have a good friendship.

We will both process all of the information we shared tonight and think about it over the next day or so.

Our next class is Wednesday night.

So...I hold my breath a little.

Maia is a good person...a nice person. I would like to have her as a friend in my life.

I hope she feels the same.

Booth duty, an attempted nap, a great dinner and a wedding

I have the afternoon "booth duty" shift today, so I was able to "sleep in in a bit".


Normally, I don't sleep in, but I hadn't really slept much the previous night. My plane got in much later than I wanted and by the time I got to my hotel and settled it was 12:00 pacific time, but my body was telling me it was really 3:00 am eastern time.


I have become a really bad sleeper lately. I get anxious about not getting enough sleep and then I end up tossing and turning telling myself: SLEEP, dammit...SLEEP!


It has the opposite effect obviously and I end up tossing and turning and looking at the clock.


Sometimes I can't even sleep after taking a sleeping pill.

Anyway - I had an 8:30 AM appointment on Saturday, so....in my usual anxious about sleep frenzy...I didn't sleep. Well, maybe a little hear and there, but definitely not a restful sleep.


I managed well through my morning appointments, and booth duty and actually got to leave the conference early! I headed straight to my hotel for a nap.


Napping used to be an activity I enjoyed. Since I was little I remember my Mom taking an nap in the afternoon and I used to lie on the opposite side of the couch from her and kind of tangle my feet in hers and we'd both take a little snooze. Sometimes I would just lie as still as I could and watch her sleep. She looked so beautiful sleeping...and I would not want to wake her up. After about an hour or so...she'd would slowly wake up and we'd play this little footsie game for a while. Pushing our feet back and forth...kind of wrestling to see who could make each others knees bend first.


When my kids were little, whenever they took a nap...I did to. It was our cuddle time and all three of us would look forward to it. Just listening to their quiet breathing and inhaling the smell of their hair and skin would immediately calm me down and relax me.


Usually I would wake up to little eyes just staring at me.


I don't know how you know that someone is looking at you when you are asleep, but I think most parents can tell you that if their child comes into their room in the middle of the night and just stands by the bed without making a sound...it wakes you up in an instant.


Call it instinct or whatever...it's kind of a freaky thing.


So...back in the present day...and up to my hotel room, I pulled all of the blinds closed, hung the "please do not disturb" sign on the door and lay down for a bit of a snooze. I had plans for dinner with a friend that evening, so I set my alarm just to make sure I wouldn't "oversleep".


I crawled into the bed...got the pillows just right and slowly drifted off to.....the...sound....of....


What the fa?!?!


Construction on the floor below me.?


AAAAAGGGGGGHHHH!


It wasn't really loud noise, but more of a consistent: bang, bang, bang, bang....pause, pause, pause...then another, bang, bang, bang, bang.


Sometimes the pauses were a bit longer and I'd think..."oh yay!...they've stopped". I'd snuggle into my pillows again...kind of start to drift off...and the freakin' noise would start up.


ugh


Stuff like this happens to me at home too. I would go to take a nap and as soon as I was falling off into slumberland either the phone would ring or more likely my dogs would start barking their little heads off.



The little buggers would time it perfectly too.



I'd start nodding off...they bark...I tell them to shut up....I start nodding again...they bark...I yell at them to shut the hell up...and off I'd go to try and sleep and the little fuckers start barking yet again.



I should just give up on naps. They make me more tense and anxious than relaxed and restful anymore.



:::sigh:::


Finally resolved that I was not going to get a nap in, I got up and putzed around on the computer for a while - work stuff, called M to check in and let her know I was safe and sound and it was hot and humid here in California and then got ready for dinner.

I had a great dinner with an ol' friend who I haven't seen in almost 10 years! She and her partner live in Long Beach and they drove out to see me. We went to Joe's Crab Shack...I guess it's a chain restaurant, where the food is so-so, but it was a lot of fun.


L was very curious about a drink they had on the menu called a Shark Attack. It was primary blue liquid, with red grenadine syrup floated on top and a plastic shark sticking out.


20 years ago...I may have tried it...nowadays...I have 2 glasses of wine or 2 beers and I'm done.


It's great to catch up with old friends. I've been lucky to have been able to do that on the past 3 business trips I've been on...so I will count those as blessings for sure!


After dinner - I came back to my room and thought I'd go to bed early and try to play catch up on my sleep.


I don't have booth duty until 1:00 - no appointments in the morning...nothing to be anxious about and I slept like the dead until about 7:30 am!


YEAH BABY!


I feel so much better.


I ordered up some room service for breakfast...and set down to finish my book when I heard some kind of drumming noise?


It almost sounded like a marching band.


Well, since I was well rested and relaxed...this noise did not irritate me in the least bit...it sounded kind of happy and celebratory so I checked outside to see what it was.



A wedding!



Or the after wedding celebration I guess.



In the parking lot...lot's of brightly colored middle eastern men and women were dancing around in celebration of some kind.

They were having a good ol' time dancing in the parking lot. I kind of wanted to join them.

I watched for about 15 minutes. They would make a circle around the happy couple, then break apart and then other people would be in the center...maybe the parents...grandparent...then they'd break apart and so on and so forth.

Finally - bride and groom climbed into the car that had two big flowered hearts on the hood and drove away with everyone shouting and cheering!

Best of luck to you both! I waved from my hotel room!

I didn't even mutter my usual sarcastic - "suckers" under my breath!

ahhhh...it's a good day!

I'm off to a shower and to get ready for booth duty. Not exactly the most thrilling thing to do, but eh...it's only for a few hours.

I hope you all are having a great weekend in your part of the planet!

Be well!

Shout out

...to Sam over at Quiet Would Be Nice. We met in a nice little coffee spot down in Philly. Very nice lady...had a nice time. She's like the Mayor of 10th and Walnut...everyone kept dropping by to say "Hello!" I also have to thank her for introducing me to the Dream Garden a collaboration by Maxfield Parrish and Tiffany. It's a beautiful mosaic that was only 1 block from where I work and I never knew it was there!


It's absolutely stunning...if you are ever in Philly...you HAVE to check it out!

It's nice to make a new friend...so that had me smiling for the rest of the day!

Hey Sam!

Another BIG shout out to Kat over at Poetikat's Invisible Keepsakes! She has a little survey going and if you have a moment...please stop in and say hello! She's an Irish lass and you know how special we are!!! I had to admit to her that I don't always "get" poetry, but I like a lot of her poems...they are easy for my simple brain to handle!

Hey Kat!

I'm off to Arizona for a few days. Not sure how much blogging I'll do while I am there baking in the freakin' heat. Last time I checked the temps were already in the high 90's and should reach 100 + while I'm there. And don't tell me it's a dry heat...that's B.S. I don't like the heat....PERIOD! My body is more adept to cold damp chilly climates.

Now I am scurrying around doing last minute laundry and a bit of work before I stuff myself into that little airplane seat for 5 hours.

Be well all...will check in when I have time!

Shaz

Medical anomolies and a uni-brow

what more could you ask for on a Saturday afternoon?

M and I had a wonderful day yesterday. We met up with two great new friends: The Village Carpenter and her partner Presbyfruit for a beautiful day in Philadelphia!

And what better way to spend a beautiful sunny April afternoon then to go to the museums!

Our first stop was the Mutter Museum for all things weird and gross (I love this kind of stuff). We the Soap Woman - she was buried in a very high alkaline type soil which turned her into a big bar of soap!




I don't know...something about showering with a human sized bar of soap kind of made me feel dirty.

We also saw a HUGE ovarian cyst that was bigger than a basketball, an enlarged colon

and a plaster cast of co-joined twins Chang and Ang (who between them had 21 children...ew).

(photos courtesy of Roadsideamerica.com)

Some of the stuff was pretty interesting...some quite disturbing as well - lot's of jarred miscarried fetuses that were hard to look at.

After almost 2 hours of looking at diseased livers and cancer ridden lungs, enlarged colons and faces sliced up like pieces of bread....we were really hungry and found a nice little spot called Jack's Firehouse which was right across the street from the Eastern Penitentiary.

We sat out side in the warm spring air with thick castle like walls of the Penitentiary creating a lovely ambiance.

(Hey - do we know how to have fun or what?)

Yummy salads, smoked chicken sandwich and pan seared salmon were consumed over wonderful conversation. It's a lot of fun getting to know new people and we really are enjoying our new friendship with these two ladies.

Along with the check came 4 chocolate chip cookies...warm and gooey from the oven.....mmmmmmmm...yum! Beats the heck out of a mint wrapped in plastic that is for sure! Very nice touch!

We had tickets to the 3:00 showing of the Frida Kahlo exhibit at the Philadelphia Art Museum.

Casually walking down to the museum - trying to burn off some of those lunch calories we consumed, we got to enjoy some of the charm of the neighborhoods surrounding the museum district of Philly. There were quite a few folks doing the "Rocky thing" by running up the top of the steps and triumphantly raising their arms!

With more than an hour to kill before the Kahlo exhibit, we checked out one of the nearby exhibits of American Art. I think the Thomas Eakins collection was probably my favorite by far, but I loved the Annunciation by Henry Ossawa Tanner. Even the Village Carpenter gal got to drool over some fine examples of early American furniture!

The main event was definitely a high point in the day for me though. I am not sure what I was expecting, but the Frida Kahlo exhibit was brilliant. I have read about her in Art History class and I've seen prints of her work over the years, but to see them in person and to hear her story really made me appreciate the artist even more.

Kahlo's paintings are often dark and show the pain she was experiencing. "Henry Ford Hospital"was painted after she had a miscarriage. The imagery is shocking and harsh: Kahlo lying on a blood soaked hospital bed, a dead fetus is above her and also a snail representing how long the miscarriage took. "The Two Fridas" represented the depression she experienced when Diego Riveria divorced her. In one image she holds a small portrait of Diego which from which an artery is attached...it loops through her heart and back out to the second image of her self and ends as she holds a surgical clamp trying to stop her heart from bleeding.

Her painting: "A Few Small Nips" was painted about a drunken man who stabbed his wife wife to death. The blood spills all around the bed and room and is even dotted along the frame itself.

Another very harsh painting was "The Suicide of Dorothy Hale". Hale is represented by three distinct figures - first a small black figure as she starts her descent from the building, then falling among the clouds and finally the bloody landing and an inscription written in blood red that says: "In New York City on the 21st of October 1938, at 6:00 in the morning, Dorothy Hale committed suicide by throwing herself from a very high window in the Hampshire House. In her memory [...], this retablo was executed by Frida Kahlo."

Originally commissioned to paint a portrait of Hale by the publisher of Vanity Fair Magazine to be given to Hales mother as a gift , Kahlo painted it in ex-voto style which is a devotion or testimony of the person's death. The publisher was horrified at the painting and did not think it was appropriate as a memorial portrait to be given to Hale's grieving mother.

"The Love Embrace of the Universe", "My Dress Hangs There" and "Moses" were three paintings that weren't nearly as dark and had so much vivid imagery in them I wish I had time to just stare at them for a while longer. Unfortunately, the lines were long and it was very crowded, it was very hard to get too close to them.

I definitely have a new found appreciation for Frida Kahlo's art. She is not for everyone, that is for certain.

What a great day! Dark and macabre brightened up with great new friends and a warm chocolate chip cookie on top!

Life is good!

Music

I love listening to music...it is what motivates me, calms me, makes me happy, lifts my spirits, inspires me....etc.

I have nearly 3000 songs on my iPod and well...I'm bored with my music at the moment.

The fabulous Finn has turned me onto some new music....thanks again Finn, but I have to send an all out big hug and smile to my friend MDW!

She handed me a CD yesterday labled "Shazza Songs 2008". She was so cute...she kept asking me all day, "did you play your CD yet?" "did you play your CD yet?" Unfortunately, yesterday was conference call day, so I didn't have much time to play any music, but I popped that puppy into my CD player in the car for the ride home.

I laughed my ass off!

She mixed in audio clips with the music: Bette Davis - "Fasten your seatbelts, it's going to be a bumpy night"

Hannibal Lector and the famous liver, fava beans and chianti line!!!

Edith Bunker "Here's your beer Archie".

I am not familiar with all of the artists, but I like most of the songs she picked out.

She told me all of the songs are"Fun and funky and a big ole dose of spunk. Yep, that's Shazza alright. That's her all the way!"

You cannot help but smile when your friends think of you that way.

Here are some of the songs:

Walk Like a Camel - Southern Culture on the Skids
Legend of a Cowgirl - Imani Coppala (love this song!)
Handcuffed to a Fence in Mississippi - Jim White
I Will Survive - Cake
Short Skirt, Long Jacket - Cake (the video on You Tube is pretty funny)
Shoes - Liam Sullivan (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wCF3ywukQYA)
Is You Is Or Is You Ain't My Baby - Renee Olstead
When God Fearing Women Get the Blues - Martina McBride
Down in Mississppi - Sugarland
Celebrity Skin - Hole
The Best Day Ever - SpongeBob Square Pants
Breakin' Dishes - Rihanna
Shut up and Drive - Rihanna
Goldmember - Beyonce (Austin Powers)
Daddy Wasn't There - Ming Tea (Austin Powers)
The New Kid - Old 97's
Ode to Billy Joe - Bobbie Gentry ( I sing this song occasionally...don't know why. I think I just like the way Bobbie gets real low when she sings - "When Billy Joe McAllister jumped off the Tallahatchie Bridge"

Some of these songs make me wonder what she is thinking of me...but it made me smile and laugh and that is always a good thing!!!

Thanks MDW - love ya my friend!