Don't drink and blog

I was a bit afraid this morning to read the post I wrote last night. I had a few glasses of wine in me at the time. It turned out not to be too bad after all. Luckily no secrets were revealed, no "I love you all out there in the blog world" meaningless blurts.

Change was basically the premise of the whole post. How I deal with it - that sort of thing.

I immerse myself into projects or a new job. Sometimes a little slowly at first and then after a while I become totally focused on it. Almost to the exclusion of anything else.

During the summer it was the little garden project, and then the rain barrel project and then the little pool project. I had a few other projects on my list, but I didn't really want to do them and so I never did. Painting the laundry room and painting the bilco doors keep getting recycled on my list. They aren't hard jobs, but for some reason I keep putting them off.

Once all of the little projects were done - slowly I started doing some things for me! I had nothing better to do, so I grabbed the camera, went on walks with the dogs, took some fun bike rides which led into eating healthier, losing a bit of weight and really feeling good about myself.

I was energized. Margie and I joined a gym and we were going pretty regularly.

Then another change happened - my friends opened up a little cookie bakery place and asked if I could help.

SURE - no worries. I worked with them to do some clean up and set up. We got together to figure out what recipes we wanted for our basic cookies and I became immersed in the entire process. Having a blast!

Unfortunately my focus on the cookies took my focus off myself. No more bike rides, no more gym, screw eating healthy I had cookies to taste test.

Talking with counselor G, she asked me what is it that I think rattles me the most and it's obvious that change is the answer.

This is where I think the ADD part kind of comes in. I like the change as long as it's challenging. When I lose the challenge I become bored and complacent. Looking for the new next exciting thing.

Something else to focus on for a while.

I've always admired people who have worked for the same company for 5 - 10 - 20 years. I like the concept, but it seems elusive to me. Sitting in a cubicle 8 hours a day doing the same thing over and over is like slow torture. Let me do something new, move me to a different department but change it up a little.

My focus is a bit scattered at the moment. There have been a few new changes in my life so I am re-adjusting myself again. The new puppy - BIG change. Working less hours at the cookie place - little change. Starting back to school next week - expected change.

If I look at it as a whole - all of these changes are happening at the perfect time. My decreased hours at work will give me more time to do my homework for school and play with puppy as needed.

Counselor G asked - that's all fine, but what are you doing for YOU?

Me? Me who?

Going back to school is for me - all me not for anyone else.

Counselor G asked - what about your photography and your painting?

That has taken a back burner recently.

Counselor G - and why is that?

Ummmmmmmmmmmmm....well. Becaaaaaaauuuuuuse I'm too busy doing other things?

Counselor G shakes her head slowly - uh uh. Not good. Your homework for our next session is to give time to Sharon AND - tell me exactly what you've done.

Crap.

Why is doing something for OTHER people easier to me than doing something for myself?

Guilt? Co-dependency? Laziness? Unselfishness?

Overcompensating for being too selfish earlier in my life?

All of the above?

:::drumming fingers:::

OK...so what am I going to do. I am going to do some work on a stippling picture I started and numb my mind with tiny little dots. it's actually very therapeutic. I really have to focus and I get in a zone.

Off I go - here is a picture I was playing with last week. It's kind of trippy looking. Let me know what you think!



Made totally without the use of any mind altering chemicals - scary place my brain sometimes!

Have a fabu weekend all!

Peace!

Chaos

Just when I had the basement organized and the garage cleaned out we now have boxes piled up and chaos about the house.

:::just breath:::

I'm trying.

Luckily the weather is nice. I can go outside...take a deep breath.

The basement walls have been sealed and the framing has started. Caitlin packed most of the boxes and helped seal the walls. Rick and his Dad were here to start the framing.

Rick took a lunch break for a bit and sat with Caitlin and chatted together. I have to admit it - it was sweet to watch them together. Talking...bickering a little. They are good for each other.

This makes this transition easier.

It's still an adjustment and this is just the beginning. They haven't moved in yet.

Stay tuned!

Work

Officially it's been 107 days since I was "let go" from my former employer.

Since then I have been spending my time working on various projects around the house that I needed/wanted to get done.

We keep a white board up in our kitchen to remind us of appointments or write little notes to one another when we're feeling silly. I have been using it as my job jar. It works pretty well if I write down the things I need to do, but if you don't write it down...it ain't gettin' done!

M will ask me: "Did you remember to do such and such yesterday?"

"Nope...sorry I forgot. Write it down so I'll remember please."

Then we go on about our business and neither one of us remembers to write it down. A few weeks later she may ask me the same thing.

This will go on and on until ONE of us remembers to write the damn thing down!

There are a few jobs that I don't have on the white board that I haven't forgotten about. Maybe deliberately, maybe I'm just being lazy or maybe I'm scared.

1. Lose weight. I've been successful at losing weight in the past, but I have not been successful in keeping it off. Kind of like Oprah. I'll shed 40 50 pounds and swear never to put it back on again. And I do. This is a job that I deliberately put off because it's SO much freakin' work to diet and exercise and I don't enjoy either one. I can work outside from dawn til' dusk and sweat my ass of mowing, raking weeding, pruning or whatever but 30 minutes on the dreadmill is B-O-R-I-N-G!!! Dieting or changing my eating habits or whatever you want to call is not as easy as it used to be. I used to be able to go on Weight Watchers for a while and really do well. Now as my body has been changing the weight loss is much slower and I lose my patience with it and then go out and buy myself a cream donut. (pathetic isn't it?)

2. Work on my art/creative side again. I used to enjoy picking up my camera and just go out exploring. Sometimes I'd go through 4 or 5 rolls of film and sometimes I'd only get off a few shots. Time of day, lighting and location will always dictate this. I've wanted to start painting again I enjoy it. It's very soothing and I can lose myself for hours doing it, but it's been at least 3 years since I've seriously painted anything. I've just been lazy really. I've made all kinds of excuses: I needed to clean up the basement (which I've done), I needed to clean off my art desk (check), I need more time to myself (bloody hell I've got gobs and gobs of it now). So now I've run out of excuses.

3. Me This is the scary one. I've been to counselors during times of crisis in my life: divorce, coming out, post-partum depression, grief, relationships etc. Each time has been very helpful in getting through the tough times. An objective opinion, someone who can give you the tools to help you get through whatever it is you need to get through. The counselor that I see now - she's different. She's sharp and sees right through my bull shit!

She's asked me to write. Freestyle- whatever comes into my head. Stream of consciousness. Carry a notebook around with me and whenever I feel like writing something down - just do it.

It doesn't have to mean anything, it doesn't have to be a journal of what I've done - just whatever goes on in my head.

Random thoughts!

Thoughts like: "I've had this chair for so long it's perfectly conformed to my butt."

or

"Why is it when you open up a new box of tissues you always get two tissues and so you try to stuff the other one back in the box and then it looks crappy?"

Hmmmmmm...

Excuse me, I've got work to do.

Random throughts

I don't like parking lot stalkers and I take my time when I know someone is trying to get my spot just because I'm like that!

Why do people who are in their car try to have conversations with other people in a different car at a busy intersection when the light turns green?

And last but not least, let's talk about "Tea bagging" shall we?

Do we all know what "tea bagging" is slang for? If you don't please click here! Tea-bagging

Ok - now that you have the definition let's talk about a Libertarian group calling themselves the "Boston Tea Party" who have started noise about hosting a Tea Party on April 15th to protest the the current administration's American Recover and Reinvestment Act aka the stimulus bill.

So what you can do is "tea bag" Obama, or "tea bag" any other politician who approved of the stimulus plan and we can have a mass "tea bagging" party going on all over the US!

And they thought Bill Clinton was a naughty boy!

Here is a fun little segment from one of my favorite TV personalities Rachel Maddow to give you a little more about the event!

More errands to do

Does anyone have a weekend where they just lay about lazily on their couch and do absolutely nothing or am I the only idiot that finds herself running around trying to do all of the thinks that don't get done during the week?

I move into my little home away from home tomorrow and my boss wants me in the office by 8:00 AM to go over a quote that me and my big mouth got us into. That means I have to leave my house by 6:00 AM to make sure I get there on time, which means I have to get my ass up at 4:30.

Bloody hell.

Then there is the packing to do. I need to make sure I have enough clean clothes and underwear for a whole week, plus pack up some food to hold me over until I find a nice grocery store.

Tonight I'm going to make chili and will freeze a bit of it so I can take it with me for the week.

The plans for today are to: walk the dogs, go grocery shopping, laundry, give the dogs a bath, packing.

Hmmmmm, I think there is time in there for a nap!

What bugs me.

Normally - I kind of like bugs.

They don't creep me out and when there is the tell tale scream of a found spider either by M or Daughter C, I normally try to convince them that it won't hurt them and it will crawl away to somewhere else so just leave it alone. I've saved a few spiders and set them free, some had to be killed unfortunately.

My favorite insect is the praying mantis.

What a beautiful creature that is!

Dragon flies are next up - their wings are like little tiny stained glass windows. Just gorgeous!

I'm not bothered by bees, weirded out by worms, creeped out by cicadas. Mosquitoes and flies are annoying and must die, but I don't panic...just a quick swat and their done. The thought of a tick stuck to me sucking out my blood and giving me Lyme's disease is not pleasant, but I grew up in the woods and we used to just pluck them off of us constantly.

There are a few exceptions to my own rules of course:

Cockroaches, waterbugs, the very fast, very creepy multi-legged THING that lurks in the corners of my basement that I have not been able to identify because I don't want to get that close to it...

and crickets.

First of all I don't like their chirping.

It drives me insane.

It's one thing to be outside and hear the late summer crickets singing away, but it's another thing entirely when one lonely cricket gets into your house and chirps incessantly.
How the hell can one little insect make so much freakin' noise?

First all...it's only the males who chirp.

Technically crickets do not rub their hind legs together to chirp. The left fore wing of the male has a thick rib (a modified vein) which bears 50 to 300 ridges. The chirp (which only male crickets can do) is generated by raising their left to a 45 degree angle and rubbing it against the upper hind edge of the right fore wing, which has a thick scraper (Berenbaum 1995). This sound producing action is called "stridulation" and the song is "Species" specific.

There are four types of cricket song: The calling song attracts females and repels other males, and is fairly loud. The courting song is used when a female cricket is near, and is a very quiet song. An aggressive song is triggered by chemoreceptors on the antennae that detect the near presence of another male cricket and a copulatory song is produced for a brief period after successful deposition of sperm on the female's eggs

To hear the mating call of other crickets, a cricket has 'ears' located on its knees, just below the joint of the front legs. Their auditory sensation is mediated by tympanic membranes located in their knees.

(Thank you Wikipedia)

Did you also know you can tell the temperature by how fast or slow a cricket chirps? To convert cricket chirps to degrees Fahrenheit, count number of chirps in 14 seconds then add 40 to get temperature.

Example: 30 chirps in 14 seconds + 40 = 70̊ F

To convert cricket chirps to degrees Celsius, count number of chirps in 25 seconds, divide by 3, then add 4 to get temperature.

Example: 48 chirps in 25 seconds/(divided by) 3 + 4 = 20̊ C

Facinating - but I still don't like them.

Have you ever tried to find one that got stuck in your house and catch it? They hop in the most random freakin' way and then they get stuck in the tiniest corner where you can't reach them and chirp, chirp, CHIRP away.

It's maddening.

One time I had a cricket stuck under my refridgerator for 3 days and I couldn't get to it.
I bought spray...it didn't kill it because he wouldn't move.

In an act of shear desperation I made a pot of boiling water and threw it on the floor under the fridge and blanched him out of existance.

And also ended up cleaning my kitchen floor at like 2:00AM - but NO MORE CHIRPING!

I know that they are considered good luck in some Asian cultures, so if anyone wants to come on over my house to get a little pet cricket for your house, you are more than welcome.

August and September must be prime mating season for crickets and my basement (which is where my computer is) must be the cricket love shack because I keep getting them in here.

My daughter who also comes down here to use her computer when she's home is even more freaked out by them than I am and has been known to use almost a full can of Raid bug spray to kill one cricket!

I have tried bug traps and sprays...killed them with shoes and books or rolled up newspaper...but they still keep coming.

And they still keep chirping!

As I type this one solitary cricket has been chirping non-stop behind the entertainment center.
It's about to drive me insane!

I feel a bit like poor bloke in the Raven poem by Edgar Allen Poe:

Once upon a summer day clearly, while I pondered weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious blog of urban lore,
While I munched out, and constantly burping, suddenly there came a chirping
one one small cricket, filled with rapture hopped along my basement floor.
"You will die soon,' I exlaimed, `as I grabbed my can of Raid-ed -I will spray thee til there is no more.'

And the cricket, never hurting, still is chirping, still is chirping
On the crusty dust of carpet just below my basement floor;
And his wings have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming,
And the cabinet o'er him shields to the poison he does not yeild;
And my brain from all the chirping slowly leaks its mass along the floorShall be quieted - nevermore!

(My apologies to any Poe fans if I have offended by my horrible bastardization of this great poem)

Why I stopped drinking...

...because I can't be responsible for my actions.